Unfeeling, I long to feel something. Anything. Ruled by the mimicked emotions that I will never own. Recently, I've come to realize how little I value this life. The life of living things, people. I care not. Oh I want to spill my guts, just to here myself speak. I am torn. Realizing I enjoy what I am, yet knowing I am a monster. What went wrong. Since I was a little girl, I've felt nothing, not love, not happiness. The death of my cat, broccoli, at age 7, was the closest I've come to actual true, feeling. I cannot seek medical help, I wish to join the air force. If they knew, it would mean immediate disqualification. I am stuck, a souless monster.
Maybe this song will help.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOBHt8eDp3Q
edit:
"The death of my cat, broccoli, at age 7,"
Who the fuck names a cat broccoli?
"I wish to join the air force. If they knew, it would mean immediate disqualification"
Hahaha the chair-force. Anyhow those tests are easy to lie on, unless you come out and say "I'm a sociopath with no regard for life" they'll take you. Reactions may vary between branches :b
Don't take anti depressants either because that will fuck you for life.
Your comments make me laugh. First, please stick your feet in your mouths. Alright? Good. I'm not depressed, never have been. Nor am I saying I have problems. The assumptioms you all make are humoring. No, I came on this forum, because at 20 I've recently come to terms with what I am, and need to vent that. Thank you all for the laugh.
In order to effectively deal with ANY problem, we must first look for the CAUSES. One must ask oneself: How did I end up in this utterly shitty situation? And most importantly: How did I allow myself to end up mired in shit? For unless you are completely incapable of being anything other than a victim of circumstance (in which case you are entirely worthless and beyond help), then you must assume RESPONSIBILITY for your OWN ROLE in creating the very situation that you have come here to complain about. When you ask "what went wrong," what you should really be asking yourself is "what have I been doing wrong," and, "what am I DOING wrong?" Because—let's face it—your problems are ALL IN YOUR OWN HEAD. If you're on the internet, and those are your "problems," then chances are you live in a pretty fucking wonderful environment compared to the vast majority of everyone else on this planet, somewhere where you get to eat nice warm meals everyday, and you don't have to worry about someone KIDNAPPING you and TAKING OFF YOUR HEAD WITH A KNIFE. There are probably HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE who would LITERALLY CRY from laughter at your whining about being "ruled by the mimicked emotions," and would gladly trade places with you in a heartbeat!
You must take full responsibility for yourself, because in the end, most of our problems are rectifiable, and are simply a matter of PERCEPTION. It is a matter of having the STRENGTH and the RESOLVE to overcome the hurdles of life. And part of taking responsibility is actually doing something about your problems instead of just wallowing in your own self-pity. Maybe you can start by not being "ruled by the mimicked emotions" that you will "never own." If you are being RULED by imitation, then you are being WEAK! What kind of a "monster" is ruled by imitation? LOL. What you need to do is GET OVER YOURSELF, AND ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.