Sociopath Community

"The thing most people find odd about it, is that i tell the story in a care free, almost braggy tone."

I'd imagine that's the tone a person fishing for pity would carry. Like a child telling all his buddies how he got stitches for the first time.

"The truth is, i completely comprehend the gravity of the situation i was in, medically. I dont really care that I almost died."

I really wouldn't make too many significant choices with that mindset, just in case once you experience one of the many real joys in life and those thoughts dissipate.  You know like getting married, having and raising a child, all that shit they make lifetime movies out of.

"I've always understood that I had a death wish, but I never had a chance to test my self diagnosis"

I have that, sort of. Instead of just dying it's when I'm aging and have had plenty of time to enjoy the fruits that came from completing my aspirations. 

"Do any of you have any near death experiences?"

The most memorable near death experience came to me when I was in middle school. Fell through the ice on this creek, current dragged me under for a while. Was pounding on the ice by what seemed like forever, swishing, gurgling of the bone freezing water combined being carried through pitch darkness was disillusioning. I managed to pull myself out after knocking a piece of ice up with my elbow, when I crawled out I was exhausted, shivering uncontrollably and hysterical. I took about 7 steps before again, the ice broke beneath my feet. I was only under for about 15 seconds this time, rose up and walked the next half mile home. Some minor nerve damage in my extremities is all I got from that.

It does? I have no idea how they make it, and all the various adulterants that can go into it. I only know that almost no two ketamines are the same. Well, you understand, right?

I don't really understand DXM or PCP that well, but I suspect there is nothing of cosmic voyage worth a lick out of either, in most if not all cases. Only guessing.

I mean if you enjoy feeling absolutely retarded, then great. But one is probably going to make you feel less like garbage left out on the side of the street.

Ketamine rots your bladder.

I recently overdosed on dextromethorphane hydrobromide in it's pure, crystalline form. I'm fairly sure I took well over 15 hundred milligrams. With a 180 bpm heart rate, a 107 degree fever, and a 200 over I-don't-remember-what blood pressure, i was in intensive care for two days, and I wasn't expected to come out. All I can remember was the soft light in my room as i slipped into complete dissociation, my girlfriend finding me and showering me of the vomit and urine, myself, being strapped into an ambulance, and waking, still high, with 2 IVs and several heart monitor stickers on my chest in an ICU. I was put in an acute psychiatric hospital, because I said some odd things when the hospital psychiatrists asked me questions, still high. I was released a week ago. I insisted that it was an accidental OD, and that I took a second, higher dose while under the effects. But I question my motives still. The thing most people find odd about it, is that i tell the story in a care free, almost braggy tone. The truth is, i completely comprehend the gravity of the situation i was in, medically. But I dont really care. I dont really care that I almost died. I've always understood that I had a death wish, but I never had a chance to test my self diagnosis. I can truly say, today, that I do not care about my own health and safety. And that's a weirdly invigorating feeling. Do any of you have any near death experiences? Is anyone else like me, in a limbo state between not wanting to live and not wanting to kill themselves?

Am a little too addicted to my existence with the the meat wagon intact...so to mess with it in such a manner as to leave me maimed would be counter productive. Similarly for the gray matter.

However, to improve performance, that is another thing and in that case experimentation has proven to to be quite interesting over the years, albeit dull by others standards.

More an adrenaline junky and slipping through the the legal system is of interest and fun.

Nice gf. She could have let you die.

Are you trying to talk this guy into suicide or out of it?

by Systematic

I really wouldn't make too many significant choices with that mindset, just in case once you experience one of the many real joys in life and those thoughts dissipate.  You know like getting married, having and raising a child...

by NamelessSadist

 in a limbo state between not wanting to live and not wanting to kill themselves?

thats called teen age ull grow out of it

to the other posters ill say that if i want to take a dissociative id rather take dxm or pcp than ketamine

ketamine makes u piss ur pants

if u want to take & experiment drugs do it with proper stuff

Op, give things a few days and your sense of disassociation will start to disappear.

Right? What you are saying is basically that you are dissociated from feeling anything deeply about yourself, and the world you are watching pass you by.