Hello forum! I've just sent an email directed towards the creator of this website, author to Sociopath Next Door, among others. It is meant as an open book, to be commented, criticized, and pondered. As my first post, I'd simply like to know what other (possible) sociopaths think of my inquiry. Here goes:
It’s interesting that I’ve been lead to email you, since I’ve only just recently discovered your books, web blog and Sociopathic community in the past month. I thoroughly enjoy reading your perspectives on livelihood, since I find myself relating to them more times than not. I’m currently in the middle of your book, Sociopath Next Door. Its like a fun hideout I can immerse myself in, and not feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a popular cat, in the sense that wherever I go, I can easily make friends, never shy, always finding something in common with somebody, the perfect chameleon. I’m a 20 year old male that recently just moved to Miami, FL from Portland, Oregon, with no plans for a job or a place to live or friends. Intentionally, I chose this location due to it being the furthest place I could move to within the United States. I actually moved to be completely separated from what I was raised to be, so that I could discover who I wanted to be. In this search, you’re book came along. Within the first month of moving, I had found an apartment on Craigslist on a harbor (slightly more difficult to obtain than the regular in-land properties), fucked around with a few fellas (I’m openly gay, or so say the people that know me), and landed a job at Apple Inc. The reason for contacting you lies in a post that I just jotted down in my personal journal. In typing and re-reading the excerpt to myself, I couldn’t help but feel a certain resemblance between my thoughts and your own, and how the process of information was handled.
“At Apple yesterday, there was a gentlemen traveling from India who’d expressed his concern toward the iPhone 6, and how he only had a few days to spare. Over and over again, he would tell me he needed to get the phone because he had others depending on him back home to purchase them. All I could think was 1) you really should have thought the ordering process more thoroughly. The biggest smartphone release in the world, and you just thought you’d stroll in a week later with no problems?, 2) yeah, sure, you’re the only one who needs an iPhone 6 now, because of (x) amount of reasons: you’re only here for so long, others depending on you, etc., and 3) “I might as well allow this poor fellow to express his every option so that he at least feels consoled in that he tried everything he could to get his hands on the phone. Who am I to halt his multiple attempts at acquiring what he traveled so far for?†Because in any case, I wouldn’t be able to help him whatsoever, but I might as well allow him the comfort that he tried his best. I don’t know if I see this as empathic, as he stared at the demo iPhone 6 longingly, even caressing the screen and back panel, I didn’t feel sorry for him. I didn’t feel what he felt. As soon as I am denied with no other alternative, I move on immediately to what will satisfy my needs, or the closest thing to it. Now, my consolation was the mere fact that nobody needs a cell phone, and if you don’t get the one you want, boo-hoo, so “sorry†for your loss. It’s not that I’m trying to be a mean guy, or that I haven’t been in his shoes, only that the way in which he treated the situation and reacted to being told ‘no,’ was unworthy of my empathy, which is questionable unto itself. To me, his reaction seemed petty and small-minded. It looked as though his entire world had been paused, and there was nothing he could do about his current dilemma. Helplessness is not productive, and something I don’t allow myself, so why should this 40-something year old get to indulge in such a childish response?â€
Now, I haven’t come to a conclusion as to whether or not I feel comfortable with yet another label, like psychopath, which I understand is and can be a very domestic and reasonable characterization of a person, but I am inclined. The first time I read the exact definition of a psychopath, I cried, almost forcibly, to prove to myself that I could still cry and that I didn’t want to feel the way “they†did. What tipped me over the edge, causing half a dozen tears, was reading that psychopaths could not love. This is all I’ve ever wanted to achieve in life, as long as I can remember. But now I am really digging at myself, wondering if the only reason I want it so badly is due to the fact that I feel it is almost impossible to grasp? I see couples every day, and my first thought is always, “there are most likely thousands of others that would suit you much better than your current partner.†I understand they’re relationship grows everyday that they share experiences together, strengthening their bond, but the improbability of them staying together is comforting to me. I’m smart for being alone, I think. Not just letting anybody into my heart. Or is it that I’ve had chance after chance, and simply prefer not to (or can’t) love? Not acquiring exact answers is even more frustrating. Then I ran across your book, highlighting the fact that sociopaths often times have groups of people that, and only within this group, do they care for. This sounds exactly like the way I carry out my relationships, constantly looking for those worthy enough to be planted into my circle. This does in fact make me sound self-absorbed, and in truth I am, completely. I appear humble and selfless to the world, because thats what I want them to see. Those in my group are treated with inconsistent favors and negligence. Everything I do, somehow, someway, will benefit me in the end. I guess the main reason for emailing you, Thomas, is to gather your opinion on what I have shared with you. I’m not asking for a diagnosis, I’m just asking for some insight that may lay some persistent thoughts to rest.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Joseph