"Anything can be found the internet."
Even incorrect answers.
This isn't really a question, but i wanted to give a little more info about myself. Mainly about my family and the dysfunction of it.
So basically my grandfather is who I'm currently living with. My uncle, and technically speaking my aunt and cousin also live here. My grandfather was and still is a pretty empathetic person (from what he tells me anyways). Anyway he got married to my grandma (now deceased) who took advantage of his kindness. My grandpa actually said she didn't want to be with him because he was too nice. So he divorced her.
Moving on, while they were together still they had two children. One being my dad and the other being my uncle. My uncle (the younger brother) was the golden child who could never do any wrong. Even the smallest of his accomplishments were seen as great by my grandfather (not sure about my grandma though, although they both had there favorite child). My dad was basically the scapegoat of the family (he was favored by my grandma). Any little intake he did was considered a disgrace.
Eventually my dad and mom had me (my mom never played a major role in my life, just in and out of the picture from time to time). But I was essentially my dads redemption so to speak. His new source of self-esteem. A new meaning to live. Things started to change the more older I got though.
I remember him being extremely kind to me as child. Then the less control he had over me, the more abusive and manipulative he became. Eventually he become this sort of two faced individual. When ever I listened and obeyed I was treated with kindness. But whenever I made the slightest mistake I was treated with anger and sometimes hatred for not listening and doing every thing exactly how he wanted. Similar to how his father raised him except with kindness in the equation.
My grandpa treated me with kindness though. Similar to how he treated my uncle. He spoiled me more than anyone in the family though. Still does lol. Now he looks at me similar to my dad when ever I make a mistake. But I'm currently accomplishing more than my uncle or dad has put together. So he rarely spites me.
The same situation is basically for my cousin who lives with us as well. My uncle who is also empathetic has a non empathetic wife. When it comes to there son though it basically seems like they channel all there anger on him. They do spoil him and he can be annoying and attention seeking. But continuing to spoil the child and consistently yelling at him isn't going to help the situation.
The over all conclusion is that I also now have a very fun but irritating dysfunctional family. It's not to bad really. I can usually get what I want out of them when I need too. But when I don't need or want anything, they bug the shit out of me. Especially when I'm trying to work on music. Family is the main reason why I can never focus on the one true thing I love more than myself, which is music. So I hate things like family and friends. But I do love myself and music, and my family friends love me and my music. So everything works out.
Your missing the point. I've already decided that I wanted to do music. In order to do that though, I have a very specific schedule to the point of having five minutes increments in it. It's not to difficult to maintain since the brain can remember new schedules within twenty days. The distraction is though is that people wont leave me alone. I insist on being alone to work on music and they insist on constantly bugging me with there useless talk with no relevance towards my future or anything.
So I've been thinking again, and I've drawn a final conclusion:
Recently I've been doing a little more research about anti social personality disorder as a whole, not with any other definitions or sub types or anything. At first I wanted to say I had it because everything would make a little more sense. That's not really a good reason to say I have an anti social personality though. Plus I took way too much pride in the fact that I might have ASPD.
All of that plus recent events and just reviewing of my life lead me to the final conclusion (the real one lol). I do have anti social tendencies. But I also appear to function normally in society. Like no major outburst of aggression, vandalism, or anything out of the blue (I do get incredibly frustrated in stores when I can't find what I want but that's a different story lol). So basically I can't say that I have ASPD and I don't believe I do have it.
That still doesn't ease my mind. After a little more thinking I actually believe I might be a narcissist. Like to the point of having NPD. It would make a lot of sense. It just feels weird acknowledging that to be the truth.
So the overall conclusion is that I might be a narcissist with anti social tendencies and any other disorder that exist within me would stem from my narcissistic personality to specific extents. It would explain a lot of things and sort of the reasoning behind my current personality. In all honestly though, I feel good with that conclusion. It seems like I've become obsessed with mental disorders to the point of worrying about them.
I was never really worried about it in a negative way. I never really thought of a personality disorder like NPD or ASPD to be extremely life threatening unless your an extremely violent individual or can easily become violent etc. In fact I was almost happy that I might have some sort of disorder. Now I've concluded that I have a mixture of the two. But not full blown of either of course. Probably not even that serious anyway. Just there to the point of distress sometimes.
I think the funny thing in the situation is that being a bit of a narcissist (so to speak) with those anti social tendencies, I could really care less. As long as I can continue getting what I want in life, it's no big deal. The interesting part though is that when I had sort of an emotional attachment to my dad, he was very controlling and manipulative to me. To the point where he could say anything and I'd believe it.
So when ever I disappointed my dad in any way he would say something extremely negative and I would believe and even worry about it for long periods of time. Eventually I think I developed a form of Hypochondriasis. Also from all the events that have occurred up until this point in life I think that's what created my current personality. With my type personality I would usually brush something like that off. Like it couldn't really happen to someone as amazing as me.
Since NPD and ASPD are both a type of mental health. I think my Hypochondriasis took over and i started worrying about it to an extreme extent and making it sound much larger than it actually was. At this point though I can confidently conclude that I don't full blown ASPD or NPD. But maybe a combination of a few symptoms from both disorders. Which I personally think is great and is what makes me great. Now is any of this stuff true, I don't know. But I do feel relieved.