On the real, could you guys give me some opinions?
To be honest, I don't know if i'm a covert narcissist, sociopath, or just a paranoid apath. (I've done a lot of psychedelics and it's sparking questions in my mind)
I mean, I feel like I have emotions, but I feel as if I lack empathy, or a conscious. One example of this, is after finding out my ex girlfriend lied to me, I completely flipped out, and called her the worst names I could think of in revenge of the anxiety she created in me. (Whore, cunt, worthless, waste of time, emotionless, evil, ect. ect.) ... Also, one time after finding out another lie, I went to the point of insulting her for not having a family. (She was in foster care). I would completely destroy the ego that I built in her, and would get her to stay by convincing her that she deserved being told these things, as it was punishment.
Other examples -
When I was 17, I sold cocaine, lsd, shrooms, and molly. I used to live in a pretty wealthy community, it was very family oriented and sheltered. Pot was the biggest problem my towns police dealt with.
I would devise plans to get my business going. One specific plan was to make friends with certain stoners, and slowly introduce them to coke so I could get them hooked. Another one that I know is fucked up, but I don't necessarily feel bad for doing because of the outcome... was get people addicted to a synthetic form of molly called 'MCAT'. If you don't know much about molly or drugs, MCAT is a serious drug that is extremely addictive, and bad for the body. Molly on the other hand, is not all that bad for you. But I would sell this synthetic form, and say its molly. And the customers would come back quickly after realizing how good it is but not realizing they're getting more and more hooked.
Still to this day, knowing how many lives I fucked up from selling drugs I don't really care. I mean it was their choice to buy them... it must have sucked to have lost college opportunities.
I consider myself to be decent at manipulation. Just recently I've been getting into subtle manipulation as it's much harder to catch. I have a natural awareness to the world around me. Within the first minutes of meeting somebody new, I can sense their aura or energy, and already know what to give back. I am very good at manipulating the energies I give off, in return for certain things. The girl I lost my virginity too called me an "Incubus" because of my abilities in bed. When I lost my virginity, I made her cum and she was in complete disbelief I was a virgin. I just knew how to make her feel good even though it was my first time, which I even thought was weird. Also, I guess I would call myself a sadist to those who have hurt me in some way. Even if its something small, I want them too suffer too. Also, I have the ability to be an angel from heaven, or a demon from hell. I can pick and chose when necessary. When in conversation, I tend to direct the focus the topic onto the other person. I also tend to put certain people on pedestals, so they think their dominant over me when in reality i'm pulling the strings from the back.
^ This is only a small portion of what goes on, I could write a whole book but I don't want to bore any of you to leaving this post.
I am really interested in hearing what you guys think. If you would like more examples, let me know. Quite frankly I don't know if this is enough information to make a judgment from.
Respect,
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