Alrighty let's do this one by one.
"Well, of course. God forbid you should display any negative traits of sociopathy."
By least negative sense I actually meant in no way that I don't have some of the negative traits still. I simply meant that despite my traits I don't seek to hurt people and dominate.
Yes TK, psychopath and sociopath are the same thing. And I thought it was obvious I was referring to antisocial personality disorder. I didn't mean to imply that someone sat me down and said, "okay we got the test results and you're a sociopath."
"You didn't think it might be easier to take advantage of them and use them if you kept them in the dark so to speak?"
I've found it makes no difference. Most people have pretty easy triggers, buttons, strings, to use if desired and people tend to believe what they want to believe. I doubt they fully understand or care to.
"Really... Being a pathological liar was spot on too, huh."
Hey if you believe once a liar, always a liar that's fine. I've had some life changing experiences and eventually was confronted with the fact that lies weren't working for me in the long term.
To the rest of your statement, again, don't overlook the fact that when I was diagnosed I was a VERY different person. So perhaps it can be said I'm no longer a sociopath, I haven't been to a psychiatrist in years. Can one stop being a sociopath? I still feel I have within me the capability for all the qualities I used to, and the way I thinking hasn't shifted that drastically, it's more my actions that have changed.
So yeah, maybe I'm not one any more, I don't know if there's a label or process for that. Maybe I'm just stuck on this feeling of once a sociopath always a sociopath.
"lol. It's not fear that causes sociopaths to not want themselves exposed. It's because not exposing ourselves helps us blend in better and makes it easier to take advantage of the people around us, to manipulate and use them (which includes family and friends)."
I understand that, I didn't mean to say that fear is what drives them to be the way they are, but that if sociopaths have anything close to fear it'd be along those lines. Also, I disagree with the idea that hiding it makes a difference. By putting it upfront and acting perfectly sociable it disarms people. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people would definitely treat me differently if they found it, but that's why my closest friends are my closest friends. They don't really care. They accept me for what I am (at least what I've let them see) and I definitely have my uses for the group as they have uses for me.
I think it's a rather limited point of view that someone who conforms to basically all of a sociopath's standard traits will always be that way. Have I become normal? I doubt it, I'm somewhere in between. The modern view of sociopath's is shifting away from "unable to empathize" to "able to turn empathy on and off like a switch." I don't exhibit as many of the traits as I used to, but I still have a good number of them.
To clarify on guilt: I don't have it like most people. I choose to feel it when I want, and I only do so for a moment before moving forward. It helps my relationships with people I want in my life. When I do something deliberately "wrong" I never feel guilt.
-Ret-
"What was your worldview and image of humanity back then and how did it change? What insights fostered this change?"
I saw people as pawns to use. I was extremely cynical and I thought humanity was weak in nature, primitative, and very irrational. That hasn't changed much, I still see the majority this way but what has changed is I also see the potential for goodness in man. The potential for a better world, for sustainable joy on a majority level, for progress and discovery. What changed is that my games went from being important to petty in my view, and I took on a bigger game of using my nature to have positive effects. It's a lot of fun when it isn't frustrating.
I know how this fucking sounds but: I met a girl. It's a long and complicated story where my MOST ugly sides came out but basically she was the other side of the coin for me. She had borderline personality disorder. She started as my ultimate conquest being gorgeous and universally desired. I made her obsessed with me but I ended up become somewhat obsessed with her and validated a lot of my worth on my ability to "make her what I wanted her to be." After some years (vague on purpose) something broke and I finally truly empathized with her. I was sick of being hurt by her, but moreover for the first time I became sick of hurting her. Even more-so than my own hurt. It was the first time I ever loved, and the first loving thing I ever did was leave her. It was devastating for both of us, in opposite ways. My whole world view was forced to shift. I realized that I never had the power I thought I did. That control only exists on some level because the other person lets me, and that it's wholly an illusion. I realized that everything that I thought was important about me wasn't, and wasn't really making me happy at a core level. I put her and myself through a lot of hell, and our relationship at first was just tons of sex and toward the end it was tons of sex, fighting, and manipulation. I'm glad I let her go, it took me another 2+ years to change enough to be able to have a real relationship.
Other insights included simple obvious things like how since life is pointless I get to decide the point for myself and might as well make it something I enjoy.
"What is your take on the label of sociopathy? What do have most sociopaths in common and how should they deal with these traits in order to become happier/more functioning/etc. ?" I have said it multiple times already but I just find it so limiting, I'm much more keen on the shift that's occurring where sociopaths instead are being viewed as people who can turn empathy on and off at will. I think the old label of sociopathy describes a very common but basic starting stage in a sociopath's way of being, one that many may stay on for the rest of their lives but I don't think it's so simple.
What do sociopaths have in common? Google "Cleckley's list" and also "Jim Fallon." They can actually do genetic tests etc. to see if you have certain markers of a sociopath as well.
"How did you overcome the negative aspects of sociopathy? Did or do you struggle with any comorbidity and how do you handle it? What aspects of sociopathy proved to be resilient to change?"
A simple answer would be: slowly. I did a lot of research, went to seminars, took a hard look of myself, and most simply started changing my actions and choices and seeing what worked and what didn't for me. No comorbidity that I'm aware of. I am prone to hubris here and there when I lose sight of my own insignificance. I try to always be honest now but I am still always tempted to see clever deception as the easy way out. I think my main struggle is to connect to people, I only have 2 people in my life that I feel any meaningful connection with, and my dog. I find the problems of others to be... usually disgustingly petty. It's strange because I often help people through their problems better than anyone else in their life but at the same time I sometimes feel like hurting them immensely for caring about or creating such insignificant minute crises of drama in their life. I still struggle with long term job commitment, though I have no problems getting jobs or working hard. I do get a perhaps perverse joy out of pulling people's strings. I say that too gingerly... sometimes it's hard not to let myself really piss people off and then make them hate themselves for it.
"Are you still wearing masks since you exposed yourself? Do or did you have any methods which helped you to play roles?"
We all wear masks. That has little to do with how I am but I think I see the point of your inquiry. I wear the most false masks in a group setting, much less so one on one. The 2 people I feel a real connection to are the ones I feel I never wear a mask with. Generally I don't "want" much anymore, but when I want something I wear whatever masks it takes to get it. I find that by being extremely useful to my friends by giving them my cold insights, and by being charismatic that they could care less about the fact that I don't REALLY empathize deep down most of the time. I give great relationship and life advice, and have pretty much never steered them wrong. I can be a selfish asshole at times, but you might find it surprising how a simple "I was wrong, I apologize" (meaning it or not) works. My game now a days is helping people get what they want when I think the process will be interesting or stimulating, and people like having a strong ally.
"Do you have any routines or rituals?" For a while I was developing OCD. I have these shower handles that are shaped like "x" and I would have to turn the hot handle exactly 3 spaces then the cold handle one and a half spaces and if it "felt" wrong I'd redo it. I stopped when one night I had retried the act thirteen times and realized how ridiculous I was behaving so now I just force myself not to. That was really it though. Routines hmm... I'm a bit too self-aware to let myself be too predictable even if it's out of the eyes of others. I suppose there are some routines I have for my relationships though, like telling my girlfriend how I cherish her in a different way two times a week and asking particular questions to certain friends to show I "care". My girlfriend and my best friend are the only people I really would hesitate to cut out of my life but even with them there are some things I do routinely because I know it works for them.
"What do you think were the most important factors regarding your personal growth?" Most important? It's hard to say since it was such a process. I really just looked at all the negative labels that fit me, and went through them deciding which I could live with and which were bothering me or causing problems. I went through it one by one and tried to live less in my head and more in my actions. I suppose the biggest change was discovering what love really is, and not just for others but first how to really love myself instead of just being self-obsessed.
Spirituality is not important to me at all. There are something in the world that can't yet be explained and perhaps never will be, but I find spirituality silly and irrational. I see the futility in stressing this to my companions though and I generally just let it be though it can be irritating in some forms.
"how old are you?"
Anywhere from 23 to 25.