Sociopath Community

i dont know. Are you?

and i dont mean to Be rude but i don't give a shit ;) bye bye

it seems like you're perplexed by the fact that you don't always feel exactly the same as you used to. 

You've been neglected and abused your whole life. You feel like you're special and smarter than the rest, and you probably are, given the length and depth of your post. You have emotions, 'cept they've been deadened over the years by abuse and neglect. You care for others and wish they would give back the same amount of dedication you give them.

One of your parents is probably a sociopath. You have sociopathic blood in you.

by MercyAnn

Reasons I may be a sociopath:

Bad upbringing (physically and verbally abusive mother and sexually abusive father who is now in prison). Impulsive. I have used and then dumped people - but only people lacking in intelligence or willpower. I am possibly lacking in the emotions department. Promiscuous (I lost my virginity a little over a year and a half ago and already I have slept with or had full sexual relationships with six males and plan to conquer many more). Calculating of costs and benefits (although I only recently realized I subconsciously do this). Seeks revenge when slighted or ego has taken damage. Apathetic yet ambitious at the same time. History of petty crimes like a fight or two but mostly shoplifting or petty theft. And whatever else you may have learned about me in the above paragraphs. Also, I have taken some tests and half say I am a sociopath and half say I'm not. I get stuck on questions about emotions since I'm never sure which or if any are mine. And I tend to lie a lot even when it's unnecessary - even to myself - so I'm never sure if my tests are accurate or if I lied. 

Am I an awful person?

Your father is a sociopath. Your mother is clever. Depression and autism runs in your family, you're more likely along those lines, in which case you'd be able to curb your sociopathic behaviors by further "depressing" yourself. You should probably seek out a doctor for these traits, medication does wonders...

Does that make you an awful person? I don't think so. We've all done awful things in our lifetime, to some degree.

I am guessing you are still in early stages of grief in response to the abuses. This takes time and a deep cleansing process to clear it off your conscience. In the meantime you will carry it in the back of your closets and it will affect you. Part of your energy is used to hold back and sort things out still inside. So you only have room to deal with just the basics to survive and get by.

Its like having your CPU working on so much in the bckground that your computer is slow and takes forever to process or respond because there's not a lot of real free space.

You have the capcity but it's being used by so much unresolved stuff from the past, it just takes time to clear off more spce so you can think clearly about what you want or need to do.

You may still be grieving if you dont feel completely free and healed of things from the past, they are still with you and using your emotional space and energy to sort some things on hold.

Give it time, clear out old feelings before taking on new relations. Th. More unwanted feelings you forgive and clean out, the more room for positive ideas and energy you can use for you. So clean out your attic and closets one at a time. Get rid of any unwelcome thoughts you dont want in your house and start collecting and decorating with thoughts and inspirations that make you happy.

As you clean house, there will be more room for the feelings and relations that dont fit in right now. Focus on yourself one step at a time before you worry about others. If you want to assess where you are in steps, look up examples like the 5 stages of grief, 17 steps of forgiveness, or 12 steps of recovery and see what applies. Each stage is your minds way of focusing andworking on different areas.

So follow and work with your mind to clean up loose ends and old thoughts or feelings. Just like sorting junk in your attic, decide what you want to keep or throw out. Work with your conscience dont fight it, and it will tell you what you need to do or where to.go next. Look for ways to enjoy the process, make it fun so it takes the fear away.

Nice, neat post.

An "out of sight, out of mind" policy is pretty common, I'd say. You don't have to be a sociopath for that one.

You're only an awful person if you do awful things. Whoever said it's the thought that counts was lying.

Seems to me that your mum is a self righteous cunt and you need to stand up to her. You let her deride you for being cold and unempathetic even though she's the one who's abusive towards you? Do you still let her beat you too? The next time she goes off on one, point out her hypocrisy then punch her in the neck. Just out of interest and seeing as you're not shy about sharing information, what exactly did your dad do to you? Did your mum know about it? Were you the one who got him locked up? Also almost everything you described about yourself seems more in line with BPD than sociopathy in my opinion. But then I don't actually know you which makes my opinion as worthless as those online tests you took and this entire thread a waste of time. Go see a therepist if you want to figure yourself out.

The mixture of curiosity and disinterest is amusing. 

I definitely do not let my mother hit me any more. Or rather, I've learned her behavioral patterns and have learned to avoid it. My father had the habit of watching me shower and directing me while I showered, unclothed spankings and run of the mill molestation in the "get naked, lie on this bed and let me touch you" sense. Although I read often about "if anyone touches you or makes you uncomfortable even if it's a family member tell someone", I couldn't wrap my young mind round the fact that my father would be doing something potentially harmful toward me, even though everything made me feel uncomfortable - sick, really. Thus, it was not me but his other daughter, my half sister, who sent him to prison. Apparently she had it much worse for many years and planted the idea in my father's head for him to move on to me instead, but when he decided he wanted to continue using her as well as he eased me into things, she decided to just send him to jail. When she finally spoke out, I was 12 and she was 19. She and I were never close and we haven't spoken in years. I much prefer the company of my other sister, with whom I share the same mother who is also the one I mentioned in my original post. My parents were divorced for quite some time and all the abuse my father did unto me took place at his house or his girlfriend's on weekends, holidays and summers. Out of sight of my mother who lived in a different city. She claims to not have seen the signs, although even if she had she wouldn't have reacted much. She likes keeping appearances more than anything. 

I saw a therapist, who sent me to a psychiatrist who wanted to medicate me to which my mother said "that would make me look bad". So I plan to see another therapist in the fall or winter. 

Remember that sociopathy is a clinical label—it is not something that actually exists. Sociopathy is not a physical entity; it's an abstraction clinicians devised to categorize a set of people according to their behavior, to better handle them.

As for your question which asked if you have emotions...of course you do, everyone does. If you had none you would lay in bed all day urinating and defecating yourself apathetically, perhaps only moving to get nutrients because your brain stem is demanding them. But I am guessing that the reason you ask is that you find your own emotional experience in contrast to that of what others seem to feel. In my opinion, the differences you are noticing are not so much caused by having 'different emotions' as it is by a difference in how you process the events around you, and how you relate to others at a fundamental level. The cause of that is your own perception of the world.

You asked if you can feel for others. Above that question you gave several examples of how you do care for others. Are you confused by the fact that as they leave your presence, your feelings for them also gradually diminish? Caring for others does not mean you need to feel for those you care for all of the time. We all relate to others and feel for others in different ways and degrees. In regards to your question about love, I don't think it impossible for you, but it is doubtful to me that you are in a place right now where that could be possible.

Feelings of detachment are not unusual for those who have experienced abuse. If you were never given the opportunity to form normal emotional attachments and relationships to others, you cannot expect that suddenly you would have that ability. People who have grown up in abusive families often have many issues to work out (even if they don't feel like they have any), and that takes time.

I believe the most important question you can ask yourself is, what do you want? If you can figure that out, it will give you focus, and you will discover yourself in the process of meeting your goals.