Emotional vampires and needy kids.
Can anyone, catalog any members of the forum on the Next list?
Signs That You've Encountered an Emotional Vampire
Your eyelids are heavy -- you're ready for a nap
Your mood takes a nosedive
You want to binge on carbs or comfort foods
You feel anxious, depressed or negative
You feel put down
Types of Emotional Vampires
1. The Narcissist
Their motto is "Me first."
Everything is all about them. They have a grandiose sense of
self-importance and entitlement, hog attention and crave admiration.
They're dangerous because they lack empathy
and have a limited capacity for unconditional love. If you don't do
things their way, they become punishing, withholding or cold.
How to Protect Yourself:
Keep your expectations realistic. These are emotionally limited people.
Try not to fall in love with one or expect them to be selfless or love
without strings attached. Never make your self-worth dependent on them
or confide your deepest feelings to them. To successfully communicate,
the hard truth is that you must show how something will be to their
benefit. Though it's better not to have to contend with this tedious ego
stroking, if the relationship is unavoidable this approach works.
2. The Victim
These vampires grate on you with
their "poor-me" attitude. The world is always against them, the reason
for their unhappiness. When you offer a solution to their problems they
always say, "Yes, but..." You might end up screening your calls or
purposely avoid them. As a friend, you may want to help but their tales
of woe overwhelm you.
How to Protect Yourself:
Set kind but firm limits. Listen briefly and tell a friend or relative, "I love
you but I can only listen for a few minutes unless you want to discuss
solutions." With a coworker sympathize by saying, "I'll keep having good
thoughts for things to work out." Then say, "I hope you understand, but
I'm on deadline and must return to work." Then use "this isn't a good
time" body language such as crossing your arms and breaking eye contact
to help set these healthy limits.
3. The Controller
These people obsessively try
to control you and dictate how you're supposed to be and feel. They
have an opinion about everything. They'll control you by invalidating
your emotions if they don't fit into their rulebook. They often start
sentences with "You know what you need?" and then proceed to tell you.
You end up feeling dominated, demeaned or put down.
How to Protect Yourself:
The secret to success is never try and control a controller. Be healthily assertive,
but don't tell them what to do. You can say, "I value your advice but
really need to work through this myself." Be confident but don't play
the victim.
4. The Constant Talker
These people aren't
interested in your feelings. They are only concerned with themselves.
You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes. Or
these people might physically move in so close they're practically
breathing on you. You edge backwards, but they step closer.
How to Protect Yourself:
These people don't respond to nonverbal cues. You must speak up and
interrupt, as hard as that is to do. Listen for a few minutes. Then
politely say, "I hate to interrupt, but please excuse me I have to talk
to these other people... or get to an appointment... or go to the
bathroom." A much more constructive tactic than, "Keep quiet, you're
driving me crazy!" If this is a family member, politely say, "I'd love
if you allowed me some time to talk to so I can add to the
conversation." If you say this neutrally, it can better be heard.
5. The Drama Queen
These people have a flair
for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas. My patient
Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late
for work. One week he had the flu and "almost died." Next, his car was
towed, again! After this employee left her office Sarah felt tired and
used.
How to Protect Yourself:
A drama queen doesn't get
mileage out of equanimity. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will
help you not get caught up in the histrionics. Set kind but firm
limits. Say, for example, "You must be here on time to keep your job.
I'm sorry for all your mishaps, but work comes first."