Old SC - Changed Hosts - 3 - Sociopath Community

BrokenBeauty · 2014-06-02T00:00:00.0000000

Hey, congratulations on your 'gangsta street cred' yo.

Speaking of ME, I checked out the blog after SC went down. She said she wants to end it.

http://www.sociopathworld.com/2014/05/q-day.html

I mean, just look at this shit:

Cost benefit at the beginning of the blog was high because I was using it basically as a personal journal to work through some ideas for stuff, leaving bread crumbs behind for people who would come after me, and providing a counterexample for all of the bad stuff I read about sociopathy. After a few years, I sort of wanted to move on, but was in the process of writing the book so had to keep it up for publicity reasons. After the book, I kept it up to again work through some of my thoughts and reactions of what had happened and to explore some topics that I never got a chance to explore before (being a woman, being mormon, and other things that would have exposed me back when I was anonymous). Now, there really aren't any reasons to keep up the blog. I don't really feel the need or desire to work out my personal stuff out in front of an audience anymore, particularly not now that I feel like I'm going in a different direction (not self-exploration and self-congratulations so much as self-identification and growing a more authentic day to day existence).

---

You're welcome. I haven't decided what to do with the site. I'm thinking of trying to make it more of a website with resources and less of a blog, but that's quite a big project so it may take some time to get around to it. I started writing a book proposal about cultivating or defending against leverage. I don't know if I want to go through book publicity again, though. I have always wished that I could say the things that I've said without myself becoming the topic of conversation. I know that sounds strange considering I wrote a memoir. But I never wanted it to be a memoir. I was eventually convinced (and a little strong-armed) into talking so much about myself. My people told me that if I just presented a clear picture of myself, than people could have a clear vision of what a sociopath might look like (even if perhaps an atypical one), rather than just the vague generalities of diagnostic criterion. I had hoped to just be an illustration of what a sociopath might look like, not to ever be perceived as a definitive version or even to have people examine my life too closely at all. It's not like I'm running for elective office or something. For most people, I will never impact their lives in any way. But I think I became the target of a lot of projected hate. I guess I did end up standing in for every sociopath, in a way, in the sense that I became the concrete target for aggression, disappointment, revenge, etc. from many people who feel that they had been wronged by a sociopath in the past.

But I sort of hope that if I stop writing this site, people will stop writing or caring about me personally. I just wish now that people would forget about me. Like, if I have hurt you personally, maybe you have every right to come after me. But has anyone ever come on here claiming that? I don't like being the convenient receptacle for people's ire. Particularly now that I'm trying to figure out my identity and become a more whole, integrated person. It's not helpful at all to read people's knee jerk impressions about who they think I am based on their own personal experiences or a narrow reading of something I've written, said, or done.