I'm trying to get my life under control. It's very easy to blame some condition, and not take responsibility for my actions, and fuck... even get others to agree and say it for me, I'm too vulnerable to be responsible for my own actions. Though as convenient as it is to not take responsibility, and as easy as it is to convince everyone else that I did nothing wrong, I need to stop doing shit that ends up backfiring on me.
I can make whatever excuses I want. I can make people agree with me all I want. I can get people to do what I want all I want. I can manipulate people and keep burning bridges. Or, I can sit down and force myself to do what I need to do, so that I can reach the kind of life that I want to live. This, here.. bullying people because they won't leave me alone, because I can't be bothered to walk away, when I got them kicked out and they were confronting me about it, seriously....
This is exactly why its hard for me to hold a job. I'm trying to break these habits so that I don't burn so many damn bridges. Why is impulse control so hard? Okay... so now I'm blaming my impulses... while partially true, it wouldn't have been if I walked away when I knew to.
Honestly, I just don't want to deal with the fallout of my own actions. I don't want to deal with the consequences. This is exactly why I'm trying to get this under control. That maybe, just maybe, I can reach a point where I don't get myself into these situations.
I can't talk too much on the specifics. I just need to vent my frustration.
I'm trying to maintain trust with people. It was hard to weasel my way out this time, but I managed. I got close to alot of people turning against me because of it. I cut right into the person verbally, they were in tears. They should've left me alone.