My son is 19 and just recently I have begun to expect that he is a sociopath. He has all the signs: Antisocial, Lack of Empathy, Lying, Manipulating, Blames everyone else and not himself, etc. He just recently got out of jail and is living with us. Any advice on the best way to peacefully live together as a family??? Thank you
He's 19. He needs to meet you halfway now. If he refuses you need to give him the boot.
It's one thing to help your flesh & blood past a certain age if they're legitimately disabled. It's quite another thing to put your own head on the chopping block.
I'm serious. Tell him to start pulling his own weight or tell him to get lost. No sociopath respects a doormat. Odds are good that he doesn't respect you anyway.
Your love won't do shit for you when he fucks up again and tries to put the blame on you. How much will you love him if he gets you arrested? Get rid of him. You can't save him.
The good thing is the judge told him to find a job in 2 weeks or go back to jail. He seems to give a shit about that if nothing else. We will see, he has been doing what we ask of him for the most part but I know it's just a matter of time unfortunately. Thanks you, your advice is brutal but honest I can respect that.
I suspect that actions have more impact than emotions so be a mother of action and follow through with your commitments. He is counting on your emotions to get the best of you so he can have his way. It's painful for a mother to be hard on her child but you will do more harm than good if you consistently give in because of your love for him. You need to treat him like the bratty teen in the neighborhood. When he does what he is supposed to, look him in the eye and tell him that you are proud of him for that and say that you care but I'm sure that your emotional pleas will roll like water off a duck's back. Be firm, unwavering in the face of his insults but be prepared for the possible backlash as he tries to find some other way to hurt you. Yes, he is an adult in the eyes of the law (U.S.) and so you must be willing to let him make his own mistakes, go to jail (and don't bail him out), wreck his car because he was careless, etc. You must "Detach with love" or whatever is the new psychology bs is now.
Make him get a job. If he fails, tell him to fuck off and be on his own. Sometimes kids do stupid things just because they know they can count on their weak parents to support them and endure their shit no matter what.
Edit: "The good thing is the judge told him to find a job in 2 weeks or go back to jail. He seems to give a shit about that if nothing else. We will see, he has been doing what we ask of him for the most part but I know it's just a matter of time unfortunately."
Sorry, didn't see this post. The judge got it right about the job. If he fails, what I said still stands.