Depends on the person. For me, there are 3 categories of people, and I treat each accordingly.
1) The purely useless people
These are the kind of people I have assessed to be ultimately useless and that they'll not be useful in the future either. I hold them in contempt and feel no need to protect their feelings / show any positive regard towards them. I make fun of them, belittle them and their accomplishments, ignore their needs, preferences, ideas, and wants, and communicate with them only when I need some sort of verbal punching bag.
2) The useful and self-respecting
These people are useful in some form but narcissistic, or just have some self-respect and self-esteem. With this category, I make sure to ingratiate myself with empathic support, compliments, entertainment, and affection (as long as they don't demand too much and aren't getting annoying). But I have no real emotions for them. I fake it to fulfill their emotional needs / gain more control over them.
3) The useful but broken
These are the emotionally broken, low self-esteem, low self-entitlement people, most having a past of severe abuse and mistreatment. Now, ingratiating myself with them and being flattering, complimenting would backfire because it would invalidate their beliefs of being worthless, good for nothing, being unworthy of positive treatment etc. So I treat them as if they were useless, keeping their desire of fixing me or making me love them alive, to keep the wheel rolling. Ironically these people tend to be the most emotionally satisfying, compliant, and useful (sometimes more than the useful and high self-esteem) but them not realizing this is what gives me power over them, so I don't try to change it.
I think that I'm a very kind person. Though I have my moments, I'm usually pretty much that guy who randomly stops a bus so you can catch up to it, or holds the door open for you. Though if kind is giving out money to strangers in need, I'll admit I'm not as kind. If its something that will negatively impact me, I'll admit that I'm only kind in that way if it benefits me somehow, or if I really like that person.
by StayonhereDo you consider yourself to be kind or insulting?
I'm more insulting than kind. Sometimes I offend people without even realizing it because I don't always know if what I say is going to upset them or not, and if it does, well, shit happens. I'm polite in social situations though, but that's not really 'kindness'. I just do that to blend in. I don't give two shits about the person I'm being polite to.
I enjoy insulting people, even my daughter at times. I find it amusing. Some of the things I've said to my daughter:
"I can hear the wind between your ears"
"You're a few stubbies short of a six pack"
"The lights are on but no-one's home"
"What are you, incompetent?"
"Next time we go walking down town together, I'm going to wear a shirt that says I'm with stupid"
I called my daughter "slave" as a joke once after I asked her to do something for me. She didn't take too kindly to that, lol. I don't insult my daughter very often. I just do it occasionally to amuse myself.
I was struggling with this question for a long while when I was younger. Some people are rotten, and those people won't learn to behave unless you put them down in their place. They're unable to rise above their nature and prefer the way of the jungle to civil, intelligent conversations. Being nice to them, understanding them won't change their nature, their limitations are written in their genes.
Apes can learn how to use tools but first you need to slap them around until they're all tame. If the apes are throwing crap at you there's no way to teach them anything. I learned that being nice comes after establishing respect.
"At home I am a nice guy: but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far." ~Muhammad Ali
Then there are villains who are Affably Evil.
There is absolutely nothing separating them from being normal, polite people except for the fact that they want to Take Over the World or use human souls to power their Artifact of Doom. They're not the Stepford Smiler — their affability is a genuine part of their personality, not a mask. If they have underlings, expect them to be a Benevolent Boss. In one way, they're the opposite of an Anti-Hero. They may Pet the Dog on occasion, but won't hesitate to kick it with steel-toed boots the next second if it helps them accomplish their Evil Plan. They may well be a Villain with Good Publicity because, after all, being evil doesn't mean you have to be anti-social.
I'm sorry- It was TV tropes.^ It was a response to Turncoat. The said they were affably insulting. :)