Definitely achieve it then if it would make you feel those things. It is strange how those who pull things like this commit suicide afterward. I always wonder if, and bet, they feel regretful. A person with so much stored hatred in their heart should just end it all before killing others who have no opportunity to defend against something like this.
I have a better idea for your scenario. Call in to a heavily armed group of people telling them where to play your fantasy out. Go then and have your rush. Would be much different then, wouldn't it?