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By description, I am a sociopath.


Posts: 7

 scares me to think I may be a sociopath and the last thing I would want to do is use and hurt the people I tell myself that, I care about. Then there are just times where I find myself doing just that whilst my conscious screams the question "WHY! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS" and my body, my mind can only continue to enjoy seeing torment in the faces of other people. It feels bad to say that seeing someones face go from, the most honestly happy, full of life most cheeful expressions, within seconds shift to fear, pain and agony, disgust and remorse. Like seeing the happiest couple in the world, sure enough good for them, theyre happy together and thats great.. But how great would it be if one of them just died, for no reason right there, blatently and obviously. How beautiful would it be to see the spouses face change and mold to the flow of there mind as it is processes the reality of the situation. One second they were with the love of there life, the next second that same love is now lying on the ground 1ft away from you with a shotgun blast now where there face was. 

 

I dont want to do that, more so i know it would be a dumb fucking idea but god damn wouldnt it just be beautiful. I guess the normal though would be "no thats horrible".. which is why im here. By profile, im a sociopath, but am i really? Does my personality just fit tge profile of a sociopath.. and if it does then wouldnt that, by default just make me a sociopath? 

 

My father was the polebearer at his fathers funeral naturally. Everyone cried during the eulogy and i watched my father ball his eyes out for the very first time in my life (im 20). This is my grandad thats being serviced. I didnt cry, i keept thinking i should be crying because thats the nature of the room at the moment. I keept thinking that, because i wasnt crying i wasnt fitting in. But eeh fuck it. Just a human dying, relative or no it happens everyday.. i never really knew him personally im only here out of respect, i have much better things to do. When can we leave im hungry?

 

Now i really did want to cry, i definately was sad. But because of the atmosphere not the situation. I felt more obliged to be sad because it blended in, not because i had any emotional ticks that triggered the sadness.

Im the most analytical person i know, im arrogant beyond belief but manage to keep a lid on it because i know that arrogance to the extent that i am is not socially acceptable. Im an asshole by nature but passive by exterior. A coward would be a fitting word now that i think about it more.

Conversations dont feel like conversations, and 90% of the time ive rehearsed conversations in my head before theyve happened. I just have these conversations to myself whatever they may be just to be prepared incase i, against all odds actually do have those same conversations in reality. 

Id rather just not talk. Id rather watch and listen. To me, emotion is just a poor supplement for information, i dont want people to have information on me so why give it to them? Instead i just observe, every word, the context, your face, body language, its all me relevant than whatever emotion your putting it through.

My mind is incredibly childish, there are never any true answers just more questions. And any aswer is ridiculous if its not mine.

 

So im definately no saint. I have twisted ideals, im manipulative as fuck and ive hurt alot of people for my own sick pleasure. I dont want to be this person but im not going to deny my own nature and most of the time i just lose track of trying to better myself because living in my own world can just be so much fun.

 

The questions i bring to the acclaimed sociopaths of this forum (who are the first people ive ever opened up like this towards) is:

am i a sociopath because i fit the profile? Does my personality make me a sociopath, and how can a personality have a "disorder" if were all meant to be different anyway. 

Or am i just a sicko, immature and arrogant, am i craving attention so bad that im here preaching to sociopaths of all people because i know i cant say this shit to the people i see everyday?

one way or another im sure someone here will have some insight.  Just so comfused right now aboit myself is all

Posts: 406
By description, I am a sociopath.

Do you have a job? Do you spend more money than you earn? Do you have a mortgage, a lease on a car? Two cars?

Perhaps you have a student loan and are out of work?

That's why you are a sociopath. That's why sociopathy is prevalent in every corner of society.

People are all desperate and they will use any level of manipulation possible to feed their empty soulless egos. They act on instinct that has been classically conditioned day in and day out in hyper consumerist culture.

There is no purpose to life any more except to make money and spend it out of righteousness to justify the years of wasted life in traffic, all the wasted years in school racking up debts to get jobs they will never find purpose or happiness within.

Hope that helps.

 

Just a human dying, relative or no it happens everyday.. i never really knew him personally im only here out of respect, i have much better things to do. When can we leave im hungry?

 

You probably know the names of more celebrities and false gods than you do the names of people that are your friends, who you probably spend no time with at all.

How can you expect to have feelings towards anyone?

 

Posts: 274
By description, I am a sociopath.

Darklawliet>Darkliawlet>Darkliloutlet. Hrmmm.... sounds like a scrambled jambled way of saying "dark little outlet". Such a troll.

Posts: 7
By description, I am a sociopath.

Mromega you hit a lot of balls on the dot. To my surpise. And it was also hard to take in to :/ if im trolling i certainly didnt do it on purpose and i cant help it if youre seeing messages where there arnt any :P lawliets just the name of an anime character (dealwithit).

I had a job, and whilst working that job (2 years) ive accumulated personal loans and phone bills which im now stuck with through this unemployed bullshit. 

I can not however name more celebs than personal relations, im definately not anti social, thou i much preffer my own company and i am strictly selective about how id choose to allocate my time towards.

 

Either im a sociopath, or im an asshole looking for a way to justify himself. 

I do know im at the age where im defining and realising my own self.. im just not liking what im discovering. Im definately not someone anyone would want to look up to regardless. And im definately not unhappy, all things considered im quite content with where i am. Jobhunting is kind of exciting through the eyes of a sociopath. Its very easy to overshoot your qualifications thou ive learnes >.<

 

Posts: 7
By description, I am a sociopath.

 

by Darklawliet

 

Either im a sociopath, or im an asshole looking for a way to justify himself.  

 

 Is there even a difference now that i wonder?

Posts: 406
By description, I am a sociopath.

I can not however name more celebs than personal relations,

 

Bullshit.

Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa. Brad, Angelina, Oprah, Ellen, Letterman, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Jay Z, George Bush, Elvis Presley, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, Optimus Prime, Megatron, Spiderman, Peter Parker, Clark Kent, Mother Theresa, Jesus Christ, Allah...

On average you probably know the names of thousands of television celebrities from movies through to commericals. You worship them at least a few hours a day. I mean it's standard, that's what the general population does.

 

Either im a sociopath, or im an asshole looking for a way to justify himself.

 

You can be both.

 

Jobhunting is kind of exciting through the eyes of a sociopath. Its very easy to overshoot your qualifications thou ive learnes >.<

 

Good luck on your job hunt...

Posts: 7
By description, I am a sociopath.

Okay those are mostly character names.

In which case yes no shit, almost everyone can probably name more.

 

Buuuuut yes i do waste countless hours infront of a tv screen building myself up to be these heros and less for the entertainment values.

Id rarely laugh at something on tv unless the people around me laugh, in which case id just laugh for the sake of it.

 

MY GLOB WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH! Is whats irritating me the most now >.<

final question, probably should have opened with this hey ;P

Is being a sociopath a descriptive term, or a medical diagnoses?

 

Cause if its just a descriptive term then woohoo im a grade A sociopath -.- if its an actual diagnosis, id best go see a therapist then hey xD

Posts: 406
By description, I am a sociopath.

People probably spend more time with cartoon characters, puppets, and animations growing up than they do with real people.

It's no wonder everyone is a psychopath.

No problem... some people discover this at a very early age and start cutting themselves to feel again. They engage in risky illegal behavior. They want to feel, because the world around them has pounded them into a numb coma.

Everyone else simply goes on not feeling. It's pretty normal... so go eat some cheeze sticks and watch some TV... nothing wrong with that... at least you will have something to talk about tommorrow around the water cooler at your job that will suck the one and only life right out of you...

 

http://www.namebase.org/richnote.html

 

A note of appreciation from the rich

 

Let's be honest: you'll never win the lottery.
On the other hand, the chances are pretty good that you'll slave away at some miserable job the rest of your life. That's because you were in all likelihood born into the wrong social class. Let's face it -- you're a member of the working caste. Sorry!

As a result, you don't have the education, upbringing, connections, manners, appearance, and good taste to ever become one of us. In fact, you'd probably need a book the size of the yellow pages to list all the unfair advantages we have over you. That's why we're so relieved to know that you still continue to believe all those silly fairy tales about "justice" and "equal opportunity" in America.

 

Of course, in a hierarchical social system like ours, there's never been much room at the top to begin with. Besides, it's already occupied by us -- and we like it up here so much that we intend to keep it that way. But at least there's usually someone lower in the social hierarchy you can feel superior to and kick in the teeth once in a while. Even a lowly dishwasher can easily find some poor slob further down in the pecking order to sneer and spit at. So be thankful for migrant workers, prostitutes, and homeless street people.

 

Always remember that if everyone like you were economically secure and socially privileged like us, there would be no one left to fill all those boring, dangerous, low-paid jobs in our economy. And no one to fight our wars for us, or blindly follow orders in our totalitarian corporate institutions. And certainly no one to meekly go to their grave without having lived a full and creative life. So please, keep up the good work!

 

You also probably don't have the same greedy, compulsive drive to possess wealth, power, and prestige that we have. And even though you may sincerely want to change the way you live, you're also afraid of the very change you desire, thus keeping you and others like you in a nervous state of limbo. So you go through life mechanically playing your assigned social role, terrified what others would think should you ever dare to "break out of the mold."

 

Naturally, we try to play you off against each other whenever it suits our purposes: high-waged workers against low-waged, unionized against non-unionized, Black against White, male against female, American workers against Japanese against Mexican against.... We continually push your wages down by invoking "foreign competition," "the law of supply and demand," "national security," or "the bloated federal deficit." We throw you on the unemployed scrap heap if you step out of line or jeopardize our profits. And to give you an occasional break from the monotony of our daily economic blackmail, we allow you to participate in our stage-managed electoral shell games, better known to you ordinary folks as "elections." Happily, you haven't a clue as to what's really happening -- instead, you blame "Aliens," "Tree-hugging Environmentalists," "Niggers," "Jews," Welfare Queens," and countless others for your troubled situation.

 

We're also very pleased that many of you still embrace the "work ethic," even though most jobs in our economy degrade the environment, undermine your physical and emotional health, and basically suck your one and only life right out of you. We obviously don't know much about work, but we're sure glad you do!

 

Of course, life could be different. Society could be intelligently organized to meet the real needs of the general population. You and others like you could collectively fight to free yourselves from our domination. But you don't know that. In fact, you can't even imagine that another way of life is possible. And that's probably the greatest, most significant achievement of our system -- robbing you of your imagination, your creativity, your ability to think and act for yourself.

 

So we'd truly like to thank you from the bottom of our heartless hearts. Your loyal sacrifice makes possible our corrupt luxury; your work makes our system work. Thanks so much for "knowing your place" -- without even knowing it! 

 

Posts: 7
By description, I am a sociopath.

That certainly put a lot of new thoughts into my head. something ive always in the back of my head "knew" but reading something like that was just healthy for the thought to develop... if that makes sense? 
Everyone is a bit of a sociopath i think. and we are all just looking for some form of value to attach to our lives to make it seem worth living. were only human, and dying isnt one of the most enjoyable aspects of living hey :P

having said that, not much makes me happier than murdering a bunch of fucks with my wubwub gun in saintsrowIV to alleviate those desires from the real world, which were probably born from the gaming world to begin with.. and thus the cycle goes on. and fuck i love it xD 
happiness beats success imo

i think some great insight has come from this little endeavor of mine which is great.
i got some mixed vibes but the info was there and some new percpectives were gained thankyou MrOmega.

Posts: 406
By description, I am a sociopath.

No... you are the sociopath... seeing your father cry at your grandfathers funeral should have reached you in a deep way, especially since the experience was new with you.

You are numb.

There are other options besides the psychological route. You could easily have any number of bacterial infections or fungus problems in your body causing mental issues.

http://www.ted.com/talks/bonnie_bassler_on_how_bacteria_communicate

I wouldn't see a doctor though, they might not be able to do anything for you... it is risky... you should do your own research and learn about yourself from a psychological and medical scientific perspective.

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