I live for finding meaning beyond my previous shallow existence. I find determination in my desire to not die empty. The emptiness feels so normal to me now but i know that there is a spectrum missing, that i cannot ever be a part of.

So i'm working towards working in a career that would allow me to share my experience.

by Unseeneye

I live for finding meaning beyond my previous shallow existence. I find determination in my desire to not die empty. The emptiness feels so normal to me now but i know that there is a spectrum missing, that i cannot ever be a part of.

So i'm working towards working in a career that would allow me to share my experience.

 What you say seems to be more Borderline Personality Disorder than anything. Not all borderlines are the crying whining weak types, some are just lost and trying to find themselves. Either way, I wish you luck on your journey.

Honestly, the only reason I try to work at all and get an income at all, as my lifestyle is impossible without it.

Pretty much what I live for. 

I just live for myself- It's a pretty basic formula that works

i live to experience everything, every single high, every single emotion pain and joy. 

A grand idea. We are alive because it is better than the alternative, when faced with death we are shown our desire to live.

by Dr Lecter

A grand idea. We are alive because it is better than the alternative, when faced with death we are shown our desire to live.

 I wholeheartedly agree.

That is something i have considered. Perhaps BPD with ASPD traits. Tbh i'm not really too interested in being diagnosed anyway, so where i fall exactly doesn't bother me. I have spent 80% of my life not knowing "who i am", to the extent i'm just trying to apply my inbuilt skills to the most appropriate career. So i figured working as a Substance Misuse Worker is a good choice, for someone who gets bored very easily.

Thank you kindly Machiavelli. Your lifestyle sounds very interesting.

That is true. In times where you have a high cost lifestyle, a job is a job.

I live simply because there is a ton of shit to do on planet earth. I don't want to spend all my time escaping from reality and humans- so I try to take life on in as sober a state as possible, enjoying an occasional night of getting buzzed, but addiction free is the way I prefer to live. Which is why when I start coming to this place too regularly- I step off for a few months, and get the fuck back out in the world.

I want to live to play. I don't like the idea of spending most of my time working so that I can survive. It's something I'm caught up in now, but in a years time, that game will change completely. If I can spend more time playing than anything else, that is the ultimate goal in the end. By this same time next year, I will be living on an island. Time to play big! Jet skiing, deep sea fishing, hunting, skiing, travel, dancing (Esp. hoop dance), great sex- Hell, I might even learn how to surf! 

Go outside and fucking live!