(I picked this up a few hours ago, very real case study that I've been following)
Diagnosed with malignant narcissism (incidentally, during mandatory counseling in divorce).
History of early childhood sexual abuse from grandfather, mother has MN and father abandoned family.
Hung self in school room closet at age six. A classic psychotic break that fractured self in two parts. The hurting real self ceremonially killed in the closet, and now a new disconnected 'being' emerged. The boy remembering his mother raging at him after she picked him up from school, right after he was found hanging and blue, resuscitated and then sent home. He remembered his new self laughing at his mother's scorn.
A psychopath is born.
"Weird dream this AM, sort of like Total Recall meets Matrix. Having a conversation with my ex-wife's ex-husband (say that three times fast) in what must have been the 70s or something, talking about Apple and Atari and some sort of 'twin chip'. It was me from today talking about yesterday's technology that hadn't yet happened."
While discussing this dream, this man has explained narcissism on a subconscious level. His twin chip, one is Atari and old (his wounded and smaller real self), now outdated, he is always upgrading (taking in better and better traits), represented here by 'Apple'. (Also hates macs outside of dreamland because he can't afford them)
"We joined a long line of people waiting for something (cigarettes, I think), and then I was walking in a mall, just passing people and noticing faces. One woman in particular had kind of a droopy smile, so it made an impression. Then I saw the same woman in different clothes, just slightly different. I noticed a young girl sliding across the floor, then I noticed that same woman and I thought something's up. It wasn't until I saw the sliding girl again that the gears started to turn, and my brain realized that I understood some 'secret' that I wasn't supposed to, so I knew I had to get the hell out of there."
What was his secret? That he can't understand the meaning of the woman changing her appearance or what she is doing at all in her droopy smile (no ability to read affect or emotions). He has no empathy, which is a dangerous side effect of his narcissism. His false self must run from this self awareness of the deficit and the truth of his fractured and diseased state.
"I jumped down one floor through an opening in the walkway, onto some kids, but I wrapped my arms around them to spread the impact out, and none of them got hurt (although I did scare the shit out of them)."
Was he perhaps jumping down on his true self, his twin, who is a broken six year old child? And threatening him to remain quiet and to not reveal his 'secret'?
There is double meaning here, he is is vehemently THREATENED BY ALL INNOCENT CHILDREN who remind him of his diseased and broken inner child. Verily he projects this rage on his (then) wife's children, abusing them violently. The relationship ended when the school called child protection and the wife left to protect her children.
"I then saw people coming towards me, like they were pursuing me, but they were dressed in super-hero outfits."
Remember, this guy has no idea what this dream is about, amazing. No recollection of hurting children and people swooping in to save them.
"Anyway, I knew I had to go, but I needed to jump down one more level, so down I went, and there I saw my ex-wife and she said "The conditioning is over," and I saw her son from when he was about 8 years old, standing off to the side. It was like some riddle had been solved."
Another leap deeper into the subconscious.
His 'conditioning' (upgrading process) was indeed over when he abused her son. He was no longer allowed to assume her identity and she cut him off completely. That's the riddle underneath.
In that time she left him, he took her home, and enrolled in nursing school at her same college so he could be just like her. He has not found a more suitable person to use as his proxy, to process his ego functions, and to serve as a model for him to mimic.
The riddle is that he lost his source of narcissistic supply after he harmed her son.
"Then I was on some boardwalk kind of thing, where some old high school friends were, talking about the design of the boardwalk. Some very odd shapes to this boardwalk, with sculpted curves like the inside of an ear. It had started to rain, and water was dripping down from the roof (I thought it was a pergola, but it turned out to be an open warehouse building)."
What was he supposed to hear? Oh he doesn't know, he's distracted. It's raining and he has a building to examine and determine things about. He inspects everything. He keeps himself very busy noticing everything around him and forming opinions which turn into biting criticisms as the 'busy work' is sealed with violent aggression as to not ever stop lest the truth be revealed and he: hears.
"The repeating woman was very surreal, and reminded me of Total Recall where the fat woman took her face off and it was a bomb.
I have no idea...."
No idea....
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Weird dream this AM, sort of like Total Recall meets Matrix. Having a conversation with my ex-wife's ex-husband (say that three times fast) in what must have been the 70s or something, talking about Apple and Atari and some sort of 'twin chip'. It was me from today talking about yesterday's technology that hadn't yet happened. We joined a long line of people waiting for something (cigarettes, I think), and then I was walking in a mall, just passing people and noticing faces. One woman in particular had kind of a droopy smile, so it made an impression. Then I saw the same woman in different clothes, just slightly different. I noticed a young girl sliding across the floor, then I noticed that same woman and I thought something's up. It wasn't until I saw the sliding girl again that the gears started to turn, and my brain realized that I understood some 'secret' that I wasn't supposed to, so I knew I had to get the hell out of there. I jumped down one floor through an opening in the walkway, onto some kids, but I wrapped my arms around them to spread the impact out, and none of them got hurt (although I did scare the shit out of them). I then saw people coming towards me, like they were pursuing me, but they were dressed in super-hero outfits. Anyway, I knew I had to go, but I needed to jump down one more level, so down I went, and there I saw my ex-wife and she said "The conditioning is over," and I saw her son from when he was about 8 years old, standing off to the side. It was like some riddle had been solved. Then I was on some boardwalk kind of thing, where some old high school friends were, talking about the design of the boardwalk. Some very odd shapes to this boardwalk, with sculpted curves like the inside of an ear. It had started to rain, and water was dripping down from the roof (I thought it was a pergola, but it turned out to be an open warehouse building).
The repeating woman was very surreal, and reminded me of Total Recall where the fat woman took her face off and it was a bomb.
I have no idea....