This is without doubt the funniest post I've ever seen on SW, and I've been here in various forms for almost two years.
Are you by chance experiencing a manic episode right now? If so, please don't leave until it passes. When it does pass, please leave immediately. I don't want to be around when you start whining and crying about how sorry you are for your hysterical outbursts, and how you only came here distressed because your kid's mother took your kid away from you after you got drunk and began throwing shit around the house, screeching about how you were going to kill everybody. And yes, it is that obvious.