well the title says it all, I have been unaware of what I was most of my life I always knew I was different from everyone else as kid and because of that I was treated like shit and abused all through my childhood and my teenage years I always alienated my self from people they would ignore me, call me weird, that caused me to fight a lot in school I was so jealous how everyone can just be socially normal and make friends. junior year I just stopped giving a fuck because I felt like I was trying force something in me that wasn't there and I just desperately wanted to blend in so I said fuck it. around that time I started smoking pot which was the best thing I could have done I would get like 50 bucks for the week I would buy an eighth roll my joints for the week lie and say I lost my money and my mom would feel sorry for me and give me more money. Long story short I smoked the rest of my high school away.... going to class was pointless I would get so high before class that I would sleep through two periods 
everyday I only paid attention when I needed to get munchies or my high started to disappear . I dropped out got my diploma online. fast forward two years older now and I still don't know how to blend in right It takes so much out of me to put on a mask just listening to someone speak annoys me because I really don't care what they to have to say unless it something that has to do with me or something that I need I will tune you out, and people notice it I had a co-worker confront me once and asked me (do you think your better than people you act as if your this great person when your really nothing) I wont go into what I replied with, but I cant change who i am I can only pretend to get by
I can never keep a job because of it...... I met a sociopath that gave me hope he was really good at putting on a mask he had people around him eating out of his hands fucking amazing, these people around him were clueless...he didn't tell me he was one but knew he was only after a week of hanging out I don't think he knew I was one so he tried to play his game but it didn't work I'm really good at pinpointing another path and i was not about to reveal myself to get advice. the way i get by is acting dumb so people wont suspect anything and they leave there selves venerable then i attack. i was never diagnosed as a child so i was never taught how to go about life so now iam older im trying to play fucking catch up and im little behind and its putting a dent in my life right now.
what I want to know is how do I build a solid mask and maintain it, my temporary mask always seems to crumble then I have to retreat and figure a new way to go about things. for all you successful paths out there what is your key to holding a solid mask
how do you go unnoticed for so long ?