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8 posts

discovery, whatever that is

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 6

I can't help but think is what  Buddha must've experienced when he reached  'enlightenment'. Errh, ok slightly different. whatever.

 

To put it short, an acquaintance's read on me has helped shed light on  who/what I am, whatever that is. This man is highly intelligent, and studied criminology/criminal profiling for three years. We were discussing psychology, why and how people come to be what they are. The  conversation carried into something as follows.

me: yeah, we're all sort of going through life wasting time trying to find who we are. I feel as though we're malleable, if we truly truly aspire to be. regardless of circumstances.

him: ...ever heard of sociopathy

?me: of course, so?

him: read up on it, it may benefit to know who you are.

me: ok? are you suggesting I'm a serial killer? laughing, of course

him: (dead serious) you don't have to be.

I then did a quick search on it, what appeared were quizzes. I took a few, and got scores no shorter than 97% higher than my peers. I laughed  and slept on it.Over the next few days, I started replaying things from my youth, my actions, etc. Recalling tales of telling  innumerable lies, even when they served no purpose. Getting kicked out of middle school for no specific action, but being told that I "had too much influence over the other children". I then began to reflect on my tendencies. Why my friendships/relationships never last long. Why I grow bored of people and eventually dispose of them, to the point where I
can no longer acknowledge them. Why I am deathly bored of anything that becomes a habit for me. For example my current job..even though I'm performing in the top ranks, I'm bored sick. Why catastrophic worldly events don't in the least provoke any sort of reaction in me. Why I can and do, sustain eye contact beyond most people's comfort levels. Why I find building people up emotionally and breaking them right back down, a hobby of mine. Being quite good at it, btw.

I scoffed and said to myself, "no, I'm not violent, I can't be a sociopath."Ithen began to read up on non-violent sociopaths, and began to recognize myself. My intelligence is the only thing that separated me from the other trouble-makers I clicked with in my youth. While they were  continually getting themselves caught by consequences, I always, someway, found myself immune to them. Whether it be my looks, superficial charm, or knack at persuasion..

But still, I am on the fence and not 100% convinced. Definitely enlightening, though..

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 7645
discovery, whatever that is

I'm not convinced either. This whole story of yours is likely a bunch of bullshit. But... assuming you're telling the truth, you must suck at blending in.

The only person in my life who knows I'm a sociopath is the psychologist who diagnosed me with AsPD (he told me that he believes Aspd and sociopathy are the same thing). My daughter suspects I'm one too, but only because I don't always hide my true self around her. Everybody else thinks I'm as normal as them.

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 417
discovery, whatever that is

Hey, welcome to the forum.

Not all sociopaths are violent. It sounds like you have some sociopathic tendencies but it's really impossible to diagnose someone over the Internet. Anyway, sociopathy is just a label, but if it bothers you then you could go and talk to a psychiatrist.

If you feel like sharing some stories then go ahead and make a new topic. Sounds like you might have a few interesting ones.

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 6
discovery, whatever that is

It's actually quite true, but I don't care to convince you it is.

Regarding your statement about blending in, I can say it's partially true. As the boredom increases, so do the number of breaths that I let my true self take increase. At this point, I don't care about the repercussions. Once I've gotten all of the gratification I can out of something, or someone, I no longer give a shit to upkeep some image.

On the other hand, this man is outsourced through another company. So, if he wished, he could observe me for hours at a time.

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 6
discovery, whatever that is

 

by Legga

Hey, welcome to the forum.

Not all sociopaths are violent. It sounds like you have some sociopathic tendencies but it's really impossible to diagnose someone over the Internet. Anyway, sociopathy is just a label, but if it bothers you then you could go and talk to a psychiatrist.

If you feel like sharing some stories then go ahead and make a new topic. Sounds like you might have a few interesting ones.

 Hey, thanks.

Concerning stories, I reckon you all would be interested in the one where I drove a girl pretty damn close to suicide in freshman year of high school. She failed, to say the least, but she did try.

Fuck it, I'll tell it now. I'm bored without a thing to do.

As I've stated, it was freshman year. I scoped her out while in a vulnerable state. I listened to her problems that she had with her current boyfriend at the time. I became that friend. Eventually, I moved into the picture and he moved out of it pretty rapidly. I then built trust with her parents. Ensured them that I was the complete opposite of her ex that had established a bad boy reputation with them. Knowing her parents favored me, she showed interest. Made her my girlfriend. Instilled confidence in her parents that sex was by no means on my radar. That I too, was a practicing and faithful christian. That sex before marriage was a big no for me. Of course I wasn't, I don't subscribe to that bs.

Two months pass, and I am sneaking in and out of her house for sex. The third time they caught me. I convinced them that I indeed loved their daughter and that sex was only an expression of it. They agreed to continue to let her see me, only if I agreed to not committing such acts. I obliged.

Two weeks pass, they catch me again. They turn complete against me and call the cops. Not arrested, they wanted to ensure that I would not come to see her. Of course I wouldn't, I persuaded her into stealing her parent's car to come and see ME.

I rapidly turn her against her parents, it's an US vs. THEM situation. But, in the fourth month, I am completely bored. She called me one night for a nightly talk, to which I replied "go to hell." and cut contact with her. Ignored the calls, texts, and pleads.. She was completely out of mind until her parent's showed up at my door informing me that it was I who had let their daughter to the hospital. That I was to blame for her suicide attempt. She cut a gash on her arm, not seeing that as enough, she snuck into mommy's medicine cabinet and overdosed.

I still didn't talk to her afterwards and went on with my life.

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 433
discovery, whatever that is

I actually felt like jacking off to that. That was the sexiest story I have ever heard. I didn't do the same thing as you, but I did insult girls and make rumours about them. Probably put a few in depression haha!

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 174
discovery, whatever that is

Hm. So why did you grow bored of her? Is it because you secretly prefer the taste of cock?

on 4/13/2014
Posts: 72
discovery, whatever that is

do you feel like you know yourself better now?

8 posts
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