So this is the question I need answering, so I decided to come straight to the source.
I started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks ago because of some problems I'm having and he and I started talking about my life ( blah blah blah) and after the hour was up ( I have another 3 "assessments" to go before a diagnosis") he gave me some leaflets on personality disorders.
Now when I was 17 had killed a kitten by breaking it's neck, then a few months later I killed my pet dog by putting a plastic bag over it's head and using a choke chain to hang it until it died. When I was 9 I was raped and since then I don't feel any emotion, except for my two children. I felt nothing for my mother dying two years ago in fact it made me feel free even though I hadn't spoken to her for almost 8 years.
I find myself feeling "empty" and using people to get what I want, if they don't do as I say I cut them off without any emotion. My best friend of 20 years finally found a GF and I didn't feel anything at all when he gave up on our friendship. I manipulate my friends and family to get my own way, I can't remember the last time I felt guilty about anything, I will blackmail people if I find out a secret about them, my friends think I'm one of the most helpful and kind people they know,but this is all just a front for them to let me into their lives to see how I can minpulate them and find out there secrets so that it can serve me later on.
They tell me their problems and I feign interest and support,when I'm really thinking how boring and pathetic they are. I lie constantly, have no "life goals" I don't see humans as anything but "biological robots". I've watched counteless beheading videos and all sorts of fucked up shit and it doesn't disturb me one bit, it fascinates me more than anything.
The only time i feel ANY emotion is when my two young children are with me( I only see them 4 times a year), I smile,feel warm, happy,alive,experience deep parental love for them. This is the only time I feel any emotion.
I feel no remorse for hurting others, I feel is I'm the most intelligent person on the planet,even though logically I know that this is not true. I love to go into groups and fuck shit up and then sit back and watch them squabble. I often fly off into rages when I don't get my own way.
Some background: I came froma very abusive home, a physicallyand psychologically abusive mother, I was raped by a women when I was 9 years old, I've stole cars, vandalised loads of shit,burgalries,been to prison, took drugs constantly having sex with men and women, at one point pulled a knife on someone just because I thought they were laughing at me.
I try to control my impulses by thinking of how my actions would effect my children as these are the only people who can make me feel anything.
So guys/girls what's your opinion and is there any help?