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9 posts

My Girlfriends Mother

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 2

My girlfriends mother coaxed information out of my girlfriend this afternoon about our relationship and personal life, acting as a mother who wanted to be supportive. My girlfriend, upon disclosing that she lost her virginity to me, and that she drinks on the weekends, asked that she (her mom) not say anything to her friends. 

3 hours later, my girlfriends mom goes in to her room and tells my girlfriend "Hey, I told Jen." My girlfriend was appalled as she should have been, and asked why in the hell she would go and tell her friend just hours after she had spilled her personal information to her, and just hours after she had specifically asked her not to repeat any of what was said to her friends. My girlfriends mom replied "My friends see my life as too perfect from the outside, I had to tell them so that they would see that it's not." My girlfriend then began crying and told her mom she was the devil and she came back with "If you tell your father or so much as mention this again, you will not be able to go out on Valentine's day, and you will be grounded for the rest of the weekend." 

Does this behavior seem sociopathic/narcissistic? Also I know this website isn't about asking others to solve your problems, but how should I approach this situation? If I get involved, her family will not approve and will not like me anymore, if I don't my girlfriend will continue to be manipulated and broken down by her own mother. 

All help and or advice is much much appreciated, I sincerely am not sure how to approach this.

Thanks, 

Penmelvin

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 44
My Girlfriends Mother

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 44
My Girlfriends Mother

 

and it depends what her mothers childhood/teen life was like

she could be sociopath but that's created by abuse and being manipulated and taught to lie or lied to and other psychological treatment

it seems a bit sociopathic trying to isolate her daughter "don't tell your father"

i depends how much you care

telling the father seems like a better idea or contacting the police  but who knows like you said they might not like you anymore

lots of crazy people exist they don't have to be a sociopath to manipulate someone

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 44
My Girlfriends Mother

tell your girlfriend??????????? idk

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 44
My Girlfriends Mother

it really depends on what the mothers childhood was like to be a sociopath

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 44
My Girlfriends Mother

otherwise maybe you stumbled across a psychopath! but then that would mean your girlfriend is one too..

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 2
My Girlfriends Mother

Haha wasn't expecting such a sound reply after the first comment! I'll consider all of this, thank you.

on 2/13/2014
Posts: 2829
My Girlfriends Mother

Based on my own experiences, she sounds like a narcissist. When I was a senior in high school my own mother did something eerily similar to this only she told the mother of my boyfriend who was more of an acquaintance of hers than a friend. The reasoning was even similar. 

To start you (or your girlfriend) may want to look at this survey: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201011/maternal-narcissism-survey-is-your-mom

If it is in line with the behavior of her mother then I encourage her to read the book that survey is taken from or at least visit the authors website for more information on the subject. 

Is this the first time her mother has done something like this? Is your girlfriend able to move out? 

 

Edit: http://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/ may also be helpful, there are a lot of resources under Helpful Links on the right 

on 2/14/2014
Posts: 30
My Girlfriends Mother

Thats horrible of your gf's mother, she sounds like a Borderline who is seeking attention by getting herself involved in others' business, then telling others.

Totally typical Bordline Personality Disorder behavior. They gossip spread rumors, get in between family and friends to start fights, cause ruckus.

Your girlfriend is best off not telling her mother anything at all. That way it won't be repeated.

I've dealt with types like her mother, and they were Borderlines. The best to do is not give them anything at all as far as information. I'd prefer not to deal with certain ones altogether.

Some aren't as bad; i guess it comes down to the individual.

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