PLEASE just read.. this forum is to share how we became the name of this forum..
i was born out of a mother who smoked during her pregnancy (because she was an idiot and believed the doctor saying it wouldn't cause problems [1990s doctors had no brains] ) and she is a sociopath due to her own parental abuse and brain damage to the front of her head falling off her bike so she's nothing like any of you people and my parents were fighting nonstop ever since my brain was able to log memories and i was acting out due to this and being locked in my room i punished for being born into a bad enviroment which everyone blamed me for ever since i was a 3 year old apparently it's the 3 year olds fault that he has bad parents..
once apon a time i had emotions very normal human emotions i loved my mum like any other kid did i loved my dog i was in love with some
i had some problems i accidentally did something because i didn't have the correct amount of emotions to fit in but they were still there and i had tried to be normal and at age of 5 i wasn't normal anymore but... there was hope but it's gone now
i was still an innocent child..
i don't know how soon you people got abused or what you got
but what i had was people abusing me about my imperfections
a example i slightly cared about my nans fish and fed them but they died having too much and i didn't care about being told not to this is an example of how i wasn't good enough for anyone these kind of mistakes i had no control over due to not having that correct emotional connection began
i didn't have the emotions to say sorry i didn't like looking into peoples eyes when i got spoken to
so i was yelled at, black mailed, mentally raped till i am sitting on the floor crying(basically everyday)then I GOT HIT ON THE HEAD multiple times by my mother when i misbehaved because at the time i wasn't quite sure what everyone was talking about i was just being my self this was me and they didn't like me and i couldn't be anyone else?
around 6 i was already damaged but i loved my mum i wasn't sure why she was behaving so violent to me my friends bec and steph their mother never hurt me she got mad a few times but she was pretty calm she was nice compared to my mum
for years i was too hurt to say anything to anyone my mother was mentally ill she would hurt me for my mistakes which she directly caused then blamed me behaving exactly how any damaged person would with a crazy parent for how i behaved it was my fault in her mind everything was my fault and if i tried to tell anyone how it's actually her fault she would yell at me to take responsibility for my actions the very actions which she taught me and she caused me to become were my own fault?
after years of depression caused by her and thoughts of suicide and thinking i was cursed and now slightly crazy because of her as a kid
i am a teenager now with behavioral problems because of her + now i have bullies at school.. the mental torture is increased ten fold
i was her victim (still) and in her mind it was my fault that i was her victim
she would then yell at me to "stop acting like a victim"? after she would be malicious
in her mind her victims are faking being a victim as if it were some way to piss her off even more and she is not at fault for anything in her head..
if i tried to talk to her in a normal slightly annoyed voice at the way she was yelling at me i said "stop. yelling at me!" then she would be like all fucking nuts "I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE OF VOICE!! STOP BEING RUDE" out of nowhere!? i was just simply getting a glass of water then the next minute she is having a go at me for something she created in her head
my dad was slightly worse
if i did something wrong he becomes confused at it then yells at me even more aggressively than my mother then if i told him to shut up(because i came there to have a break from my damn mother only to get worse treatment by him) he was infinitely confused and equally blamed me for everything just like my mother did but.. he had added paranoia which my mother wasn't as severe on and he verbally spammed words nonstop
so i had 1 option i had to pick one parent to get abused by since them 2 split up when i was a toddler and try to endure that 1 parent till i can escape from them
i don't feel like reliving the intense trauma.. but this is how i am now broken the "jist" of it
my mum would make me want to kill my self
my dad would make me want to kill him
and this is the parent from hell and trust me she is 100000000x worse than anything thrill kill has said https://www.facebook.com/meljr1003?fref=ts
i don't know what love is anymore 
so what is left of me well..
i am a sociopath but
there is a fragment left of an era that existed before the abuse that was once a psychopath still left in me but that's buried away somewhere i lost where it went it takes a lot of rehab to get that engine started
