I don't believe that you actually think I have a talent for writing
That might be because you do not seem to believe that your creative contribution can entertain other SW posters. Do not sell yourself short. The one thing I really do like about you is your ability to make up stories.
Why does it matter so much what I did while my victim was sleeping?
Small details are to storytelling what flavour and texture are to food. By adding small details to your stories, your readers (including yourself) will be given more to imagine.