According to a few books I've been reading.. my mind is more unconsciously structured than your mind. Did you know that the unconscious mind processes all emotions before the conscious mind is able to even receive the emotion? This causes you to do things like suppress memories ect. It's a survival technique the unconscious mind uses to maintain the integrity of the conscious mind.
But my mind is different. My mind suffered a sustained and saturated emotional trauma. Trauma that was so great that it emotionally shut me down. My unconscious mind, in an effort to protect the conscious mind shutdown my emotions... and because the trauma continued through my mental development and did not stop till several years later.. this is my permanent programming.
But better than that.. I speculate that in many manners my conscious mind died and my unconscious mind now assumes more duties over my aware world. I do not process emotions as you do. 90% of that emotional processing.. is gone. Giving me tremendous clarity of thought that is seldom distorted. Sure I "act" emotional but that is part of my "appear as mentally unstable as these freaks" mode. If I don't act every now and then people will figure me out before they get to know me and may run away. Nah, I'm just kidding. Humans are stupid and too arrogant to figure things out as long as you feed them the right stimuli. Most of them are insects but not all.
I believe this gives me the ability to better understand my unconscious mind and for fill it's desires more accurately. Which, in turn, allows me to live in a harmony with myself that few of you will ever experience. I love myself. When I could not stand my unconscious carried me. I am never alone. Always I have some part of me that's only concern is my well being. Something greater than me that is a part of me.
But the unconscious dramatically changed me. I felt it when it finally took over. When it removed all my fears and replaced my hurt and suffering with rage and fire. So much of me died but only to give birth to so much more. Even now I cannot look back and feel an ounce of regret. Because as you all fall around me.. I will never fall. I am an island and all bridges I create can be destroyed. I do not need others to fuel my ego for it is fueled from within.
But in many ways I believe my mind is more organized like that of the unconscious. The unconscious mind only thinks in the now. It does not think in the future or past and only draws memories as points of reference for the conscious mind. Just as psychopaths lack the ability to "think ahead" as their minds are set in a state of now. There are other examples.
But to me there is a greater meaning. To know I am closer to who I really am unconsciously.. pleases me. I am one with myself. A great, personal, achievement.
"Do you remember love."
