Sociopath Community

Is this the style in which you talk to yourself when you are alone?

No, not really.  Its more like I'm answering questions on a poll or something, at least here.  Kind of journaling, I guess.  I'm doing a lot of reading about this, so I'm putting the questions down, and then answering them for myself.  I think just to get it out of my head, and examine it from some sort of 3rd person perspective.  Most of the shit I'm "answering" I don't even really think about, honestly.  I guess consider it like answering an email from someone, a friend, or something. 

Does that make sense?  I'm just starting to look into this from this "socio" perspective, honestly.  My "official" diagnosis is ADHD, which has a lot of overlap w/ Cluster B traits.  So, really just trying to figure "me" out.  And sorta scary, to someone else I suppose, is that IF I do have these traits (socio), I want to know how to use them to my best advantage.  I have zero problem with that, other than some sort of socially conditioned ideas that I shouldn't use this.  I can be very good w/ socio type behavior, I'm starting to realize. 

I guess I'm just "talking" to myself the way you, or anyone else might perceive...as in the original post...because I'm just trying to suss it out.  I really can relate to..wtf...Luna is her name here?  Wrote the book?  Sucessful, not in prison, flows well in and through society...dunno.  As I note...I feel like I'm supposed to feel like what I do, what I'm like is wrong.  But I just really don't feel bad.  I should??  But, nope, don't.  But have never looked into what I now consider, in some way at least, to be gifts...I have never thought of using this deliberately, consciously.

Fuck, that is like omnipotent feeling, in a way.  And THAT feels good.  I "shouldn't" feel that, supposedly, but I do.  I think most consciously I do this with women.  I know I can seduce women in...well, not a heartbeat...but I have a talent for it.  Never really considered implications further than that, as I look on romantic trysts, etc, as being harmless fun for the most part.

Fascinating reading. Yes it all does make sense to me. I am compelled to do this "journaling" sometimes too as it helps me organise my thoughts and creates clarity. As you say, "journaling" doesn't require a response to help, so I look forward to the next entry.

by FineWine

IF I do have these traits (socio), I want to know how to use them to my best advantage.  I have zero problem with that, other than some sort of socially conditioned ideas that I shouldn't use this.  I can be very good w/ socio type behavior, I'm starting to realize. 

You're only just starting to realize it and you think you might be a sociopath?

I learned to manipulate people as an infant when I knew crying would get me what I wanted. Manipulation and other sociopathic type behavior, such as lying and deception, should feel second nature to you by now.

I really can relate to..wtf...Luna is her name here?  Wrote the book?

This forum was created by Luna. She didn't write the book, lol. She's not M.E., nor is she a sociopath. She's just your average, common, garden-variety narcissist.

Fascinating reading. Yes it all does make sense to me. I am compelled to
do this "journaling" sometimes too as it helps me organise my thoughts
and creates clarity. As you say, "journaling" doesn't require a response
to help, so I look forward to the next entry.

 

There isn't really any true "jouraling" yet, per se.  What I am doing though, is beginning to wade into the online socio world, mainly that written and/or created by intelligent socios such as M.E./Luna. (Still unsure if this is same person).

The posts on the blog are much more compelling to me than 99% of the forum post, as it seems to me now that most of the forum members are faking it, and merely need attention.  Fucked up somehow? Yes.  Socio?  No.

And therein lies the rubbing off, so to speak ;)  I can deeply relate to much of the blog material and topics, and as I read through I may be struck by "this or that", ie, various topics, how they are dealt w/ by a socio, etc.

I find it, uh...currently hard to describe.  I def have "emotions/feelings", but can relate to almost every post I've read thus far. I'm  also resonating very deeply with something they may (they = socio) or may not have ever thought of.  What they have thought of is the feeling/idea that they are "different", and have felt that way since very young.  I have felt that too, but about something different, and yet the same. 

The closest way to describe it is to reference a truly ciche soico film, one of the Hannibal Lecter flicks (one of my own "methods" of seducing women I actually call "Hannibal Lecter Lite"...but that is a topic for a different post)...what is most compelling to me is Edward Nortons character of being an "eideter".  This...this is is me.  I can do this exact same thing.  It is very deep empathy, which feels, or rather becomes, whatever it is that it focuses on.  Personally I think it has great deal to do w/ mirror neurons, but again something to delve into at some other time.

Even when I was a kid, I would tell people, "I can read your mind...."  Later, girlfriends would be fascinated by this.  Most common resonse was along the lines of "wow, that is DEEP...how do you know me like that??"  It's something I just feel.  But, if pressed to explain, I would say it is body language, facial expression, and for me, very much it is vocal tone.  Your voice says so much.  Point is I just feel these things, and then can basically assume --  you.  I can think like you, think like how you are, what you feel, what you think, what you're thinking.

I don't have to observe you for long.  Once I "get" it, I just go with it.  ie, if you see something/someone that catches your attention for whatever reason...I don't have to follow your eyes - once I'm in the zone, I'll automatically think and feel like you, and therefore will have my attention pulled where yours would be pulled.  Hot girl?  yep check.  Details?  Check.  Like trash cans or people walking by, lights, colors, etc.  Doesn't matter if you are male or female.

And so, if you are socio, I can think and/or feel like you too.  That was the scary thing.  I didn't get that when I was young, why that would happen.  In fact, obviously in retrospect, I didn't even know it was happening. Basically though I would be left w this yuck unpleasant residue which resulted in fucked up thought patterns.  I never associated w/ someone I'd been around. I would just think really fucked up shit. And believe I still think really fucked up shit, stuff that would completely appall 99% of the fakes here.  The true socios would think, "um ok wow, that wierd but I get it."  I mean, really, really fucked up shit that I won't write.  It bothered me for a while, but I learned (through meditation etc), that thoughts are just thoughts.  ie, when meditating your mind always has some sort of random thought.   Ok, mine are def way more fucked up and twisted than any I've heard of, but still....they're just thoughts. Learn to ignore and move on and its ok.

But, I can also be...is socio right term?  I don't think so, as there is definitely a hollow and empty thing they have that I don't.  I have, I think, the more socially beneficial traits (lol...notice how I worded that?? I could have said manipulative ya know...or not...I mean, is this manipulative too?? )...

In short, I can be charming. And, frankly, I am pretty good looking too.  Or so I've been told. And so I act.  And so it seems to work for me.  Especially with women.  God I LOVE women.  I very recently texted a female friend of mine (married, of course...but she thinks I'm her "soul mate"...ah, love, lol)...anyway...we were going back and forth via text and I joked with her about marriage....I said, "God, no! I love women too much to ever marry one!!!"  lol.  The point being, that I LOVE women, why would I marry just ONE and never have them all???? Really, seriously, why??? lol.  First woman who can convice me otherwise wins!!!

Anyway.  I'm looking into this for myself.  The well writtten and considered blogs fascinate me.  I also find them, as is commonly attributed, shallow or hollow.  Actually, more that they are predictable, and have a narrow range of expression.  Not surprising.  I doubt though that they are like that. I can still feel that....weird thing when I'm around someone who strikes me as being socio, But hey, wtf, I can be like that too.  But I prey -- and yes prey is the right word, though it doesn't feel like that to me.  It feels more like asking a shark or a lion why it eats what it does.  Its built into its DNA.  Also, I can be very, very aggressive, "alpha" dominant (another sexual thing I am deeply involved with...another topic again, of course, but sooooo much more fun!!).

Ie, I win usually, in the dominance thing.  No brag, just is.  But, it tends to tamp the behavior of other men around me, so theyre predatory/preying behavior I see less of.  Resulting in me wanting to be more "socio", and now that I actually know what it is, I relish it, honestly.  I wont say that I don't, out of some fucked up pc bullshit.  It just feels really good.  And natrual.  Thats the thing...if I was forcing it, or trying to "read up" (as seems to be the trend) on how to be "a psycho killer/stalker"...oh, but not really....it wouldn't work. lol, ask my friends.  They all love me, but yes I can be a dick quite often.  oh well

So, ya, trying to figure out me. As I said, my official diagnosis is ADHD, which overlaps w/ a lot of Cluster B bullshit.  I don't know yet.

I'll keep you updated. However time for sleep now!  No proofing or editing for this post, hope it makes sense

Enjoy your life as a playa.

I am rarely impressed, but I am sure the ladies love you.

You seem very unsure of yourself for someone so sure of themself.

I'm interested by the fact that you state you have feelings. Have you ever considered that you may only be convincing yourself that you're "feeling" what you're "feeling"?

Many of the "emotional responses" in my life came when I was younger at times when I understood that there was something I "should" be feeling that I very clearly did not. I knew what the emotion looked like and superficially acted in the way, which for some time made me think that I was feeling these things. I wasn't.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten comfortable with the fact that I don't feel things the way others do and don't make the effort to lie to myself. It makes life much simpler and only requires me to lie to others about my feelings when I need them to believe that they're there.

Just something for you to think about as you reflect on your own experiences.

How and when did you first suspect you are a sociopath? (or someone with socio traits)

I can relate to a lot of stuff you wrote, which is cool because it puts some perspective on my life.
I was officially diagnosed as ADHD too, and was put on ritalin for a couple of years. It suppressed a lot of my "sociopathic" traits I had back then, and made me feel very... ordinary. Looking back, im kinda glad that I stopped taking it, but I wonder how it wouldve affected me if I continued using it.

Were you ever put on ritalin as a child, and have you considered how it might affect your socio traits as an adult? (assuming you're over 18)