I have NOT been a good boy this year at all.
So, I have taken the liberty of stealing your black book, so you cant diddle the naughty people out of their rightful gifts.
Also, I have attached IED's to half of your reindeer, so if you try and scam me out of my presents, I'll blow the fuckers into a big red puff of shit and blood, you fat hairy bastard.
My present list is as follows :
1:Please inflict a particularly nasty viral disease on emily , preferably one that renders her hands and mouth completely useless.
if you could also manage some large, hideous gangrenous lumps on her head, that would be good too.
2: Daytura in the SW water supply. enough to make permanent hallucinations.
3: Please give luna a new personailty. Hers is broken and beyond mending. a big bag of weed would also help, for when she sits in a haze of smoke gazing down on us mere mortals from internet heaven.
4: please make all squirrels turn on their puppet masters and bite their fucking faces off. Having them infected with a virulent strain of rabies would also be a bonus.
5: A new and improved uber-mop would be useful for cleaning up bleeding heart blood stains in sw too.
6: An endless supply of tinfoil hats for everyone .
7: A special incendiary device that burns troll dolls to death in their beds would be great! , plus a stylish urn to sweep all the ashes into . I guess we'd have to install an extractor fan too though to remove the stench.
8: Glue a huge penis to TK's forehead , seeing as she is so enamored with them. That will make her an even bigger fuckhead.
9: Turn cuteness into a raging STD that turns the "cutesy" persons cunt into a huge pus dribbling canker.
Thats all I can think of for now , claus.
dont send any of them black elf helpers either. last year they ate my xmas tree, shat on my carpet and made a miniature sooty house out of the boxes my present came in.
Yours sincerely
Joe.
