Sociopath Community

Responsibility

I was wearing a short skirt with no nuthuggers on while visiting my grandmother in the old folks home.  I sat in her favorite chair for like ten minutes and farted while grandma was out scooting around searching for coffee.  Well, I shit my butt cheeks.  I got up and frantically tried getting it up, but I failed.  As soon as my grandma came in, I coaxed her into sitting in her fav chair.  The nurse walked in and helped her to the bed just before noticing the huge shit streak left behind.

No one will ever know. 

The learning curve isnt instantaneous but takes trial and errors. Changing old habits or patterns takes many layers and stages to undo. All we can do is take responsibility each time. And forgive one another when things go wrong or dont improve as fast as we thought. It gets easier when we support one another, not obstruct the process by picking each other apart which gets discouraging. Thats part of the learning curve too. All humanity is going thru this realization.

I throw the blame on other people simply because I can. Why accept responsibility when you don't have to?

Most of the time, if something goes wrong, it's usually something or someone else's fault anyway.

Even in my worst times, I never denied anything I did. So, on a superficial level, I took responsibility, but I also rationalized my violence as justice, so on a holistic level I didn’t. Back then, I felt invincible and I was an even bigger prick than I am today; I was also on drugs.

Eventually I saw that people who once liked me were scared of me. It took me awhile to understand they also despised me. I hurt some people badly, more than I should have, and people who cared about me hurt because I was so out of control. My armour began to crack from feelings of deep shame, but to deal I just did more drugs. lol

Then, I went overseas and got into a boatload of trouble. I got busted and ended up in an Indian prison. The guards tied me to a wall and beat the shit out of me for two days. I couldn’t fight back and I was coming off drugs. The indifference of the guards as they beat me for hours was dehumanizing and demeaning, plus it fucking hurt.  

This time, the sickening smell of blood was my own and the thuds and cracks were the sounds of my body breaking from the blows. The only word I remember hearing was “please” and it came from inside my head. I heard that plea before from people I beat on.

At that point, I don’t know what was worse -- the pain of the beating or all the bottled up shame coming up at once. I finally took responsibility for everything I had done. And, it broke me.

Some people don’t have the luxury of a PD that allows them not to feel. Regardless, I think we all reap what we sow eventually. -- sorry for the long post. 

You must be a huge puss.  What exactly are you crying about? 

Really? You again? You obsessed or something? Go fuck yourself K! lol

No way.. pulls tail and kicks in asshole ha

Holy shit.  It's so interesting to be here on this random (and wildly entertaining) forum to meet pretend people, watch people pick fights and bicker and mock each other. . . then every now and then someone posts a story that really makes you feel and think about your life compared to what others have experienced and how lucky some are to have survived so far, etc. 

I think about silly things that have happened to me and get sad by reliving those moments.  However, my moments were never anything like some of the stuff I read here! 

by clueless

to meet pretend people

Pretend people?

You think some people here might be robots instead?