I have been diagnosed as ADHD, suspected of Asperger's, Bipolar and depression with anxiety my many therapists.
My problem is I never learn and I am always chasing things I don't need but have a strong urge for. I am really impatient when I get it and if I don't get it in a certain amount of time then I am just bored and forget it until I get a new obsession. When I do get whatever I want I feel empty inside and wish I hadn't done whatever I did. But I do it again anyway.
I don't see the consequences.
I don't feel emotions.
I don't feel love or hate or any connection to others.
I do fly into a rage but only when someone or something gets in the way. If rage doesn't solve it I sulk and then begin a vindictive plan. But even then I can get bored of that and forget it. Or even when I totally do not care I will just get revenge when its possible because hell I can.
I want to do things normal people do. Fall in love, get married, have children, have a steady job, etc.
Even if I know I will get caught doing something wrong I still do it anyway.
I honestly cannot control myself.
And its laughable because I go to the shrink and beg and plead to fix myself. Tell me I have went homeless nearly twice now. Can't control myself. Can't love. Etc. And all he does is just laugh and say "it's your personality how about some group therapy".
I was overjoyed at first because my first thought is it's like taking candy from a baby to be in a group full of weak vulnerable people.
I am sort of laughing at this myself.
I have the official diagnosis of high-functioning. Normal. Not mentally unhealthy. Yet why can't I live a normal life? And feel normal things? Follow a true path in life.
All I do is drift, exploit, fuck, etc. like a wild animal.