You're committed at least, but you are a really terrible liar.
Which begs the question, what are you good at?
That's pretty sad actually, but I guess you have to pass the time somehow. Anything to distract yourself from the fact that you've effectively destroyed any chance that you ever may have possessed, no matter how fleeting, to actually do something in your life. Instead you live in this pathetic fantasy world to which you so desperately cling.