It has been suggested to me by a psych nurse and a counsellour
that my ex may be a sociopath. Based on pathological lying and manipulation.
Long story as short as I can make it:
We started dating in April 2011. He told me him and his ex had been separated for over a year. I questioned that because he kept talking about her A LOT. After about four dates, he disappeared. After giving him sometime I contacted him. He was crying on the phone to me about how is ex was having a bipolar meltdown, he needed to support her and his child with her. I said "OK", he said he'd be in touch when things settle down. I didn't hear from for six weeks when I emailed him "What's going on". He gave me an incredible sob story how over the summer he had a mini stroke, was unconscious in the hospital, and how he was living with his ex to get his health back on track. I said, ok, nice to meet you and best to you. From my perspective it was over and I moved on. A few weeks later he contacted me to "share stories" and we started dating again. Inconsistencies about his stories regarding anything emerged. One one date, his ex called twice to get help for photos lost on her computer about last year's trip to Poland (she speaks loudly). I was like wth. you were separated last year and went to Poland together???? His response: we did it for show for her family and for the kid's sake. (BS< I know now).
Inconsistencies continued, the AHA moment came when i realized he had photoalbums for every year prior. I looked at the 2010 one and bang: Wedding rings on both their fingers (He told me they broke up in 2009, actually, his "vicious" ex, kicked him out, so he says. so that her new boyfriend can move in). I pretty much lost it. His explanation: they were separated but living in different parts of the house but pretended to still be together to the public..............I reluctantly bought that (or not)Inconsistencies about stuff he told me continued about a lot of things, but I don't want to get into minute details here.
In March, I turned up pregnant, how that happened, I know this sounds funny, but I have no idea. I am an educated woman with a Master's degree and had my s*&^ together, Iuntil I got roped into this, and yes, I allowed it to happened besides the warning signs. But I really liked him !!!! That kind of naive stuff...Then, by randomly coming across his separation agreement, lo and behold, it says DECEMBER 2010, not 2009 as he had claimed. So, we continue to go ahead with the pregnancy. He claimed to want the child, yet every time there was an emergency (like bleeding and a threatened miscarriage, cramping and paralysis from the waste down and so on it goes), he was never there. His standard excuse was always "my son needs me right now)
We continued with the pregnancy. During this time he feigned/exaggerated a lot of illness, he "collapsed" a few times, had ulcers, seizures, said to have low blood flow to the brain, arrythmia and so on. His mom also appeared to be falling ill a lot and he needed to atend to her health a lot.
The baby was born, and it was not good news for me. I love her to bits but I ended up with severe PPD. He was not such much supportive of me, but made several calls to Child Protective Services saying that I was mentally ill and an unfit mother. They ordered counselling for the both of us. During this counselling the counsellour came to the conclusion that he has been manipulating the whole situation and the social workers, who then totally backed off me and focused on him. This made him LIVID. He made a complaint against that counsellour, claiming she was going to lose her job. During the pregnancy and after he has been physically violent with me. Now, the emotional abuse became unbearable. He disapproved of everything I did, from the dishes in the think to the way I fold his shirts. He observed everything and nagged everything I did, more so now than ever. I was on constant alert and exhausted.
BTW, he and I started ag trial separation in April 2013, I lived in his place w our daughter, he stayed with a cousin.
In early Aug 2013, I got a text from him saying his mother was dying, and he needed to drive to another town to be with her. Subconsciously I questioned this, but I offered to be there for him and have our daughter meet his mum for the first time. I drove as fast as I safely could. Got to hospital, paid f three days parking expecting the worst. I texted him "we are here", his reply was "she's been released" WHATTTT????? DYING???? When I got to her apartment, she was fine. She told me she had trouble with her knees the day before and was in emerge (WHAT??? DYING). Don't get me wrong, I was glad she was ok, I just couldn't believe that he fabricated she was dying!
The next day I was not allowed to spend any time with them and he told me I had to drive back. (I was kind and caring to his mom, he just didn't want to be exposed anymore)
In September, I got a note from a social worker: Call me immediately!!!! He had gone to them with every untoward thing I have ever said or done during pregnancy and after, told them that I was too ILL to be a mother. They TEMPORARILY placed the baby in his care. During that time, he got himself a lawyer, an emergency court date. The court granted him full custody until the next court date in November. Meanwhile, Child Protective Services does their investigation, I get a psych assessment, and both the social workers' and the psychiatrist's written report state that I am "mentally fit" and that it is in the child's best interest she be with me. Him and his lawyer are going against the professionals' position and is denying me access unless it is approved by him and "supervised". The social workers are shaking their heads at this.
So, what does this behaviour mean? Does he have sociopathic tendencies as some professionals have suggested???? Other clues: he can be EXREMELY charming, he has superior intelligence, and from my pov his emotions never seemed real. I always felt that little bit of cold detachment. I made excuses for him, like he is shy, different, etc. Also, he has a real hard time making and maintaining eye contact, his social skills are almost Aspergers like, he talks and talks and doesn't understand when it's the other person's time to talk. He has no friends.
I really would like to gain some understanding, and any input from people who have experience with this would be so much appreciated.
PS: I know I had blinders on and should have checked out earlier. Hindsight is 20 20
