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How do you know you've become involved with


Posts: 3

a sociopath?

Everyone has certain traits, like lack of empathy, disregard for authority, and thrill seeking, but surely it is different with each person. Like ice cream- it's all ice cream, but lots and lots of flavors.

My boyfriend has these traits, but its not like he has no empathy. And I think everyone I know has disregard for authority and seeks thrills (although he might go farther than they do).

Could he still be a good boyfriend if he does have these tendencies?

Posts: 1081
How do you know you've become involved with

 

 Dear DXP regardless whether you or he is empathetic or sociopathic,

the key is how well you can COMMUNICATE and deal with CONTROL issues and changes in relationships.

You can tell how stable you will be depending on yours and his relationships from the past, if these

are resolved and stable and positive or if there are repressed conflicts not resolved or forgiven yet.

If so, those patterns will repeat. This will happen regardless what label you give people. We are connected

to our parents, and these patterns affect our family and romantic relations, and all other relations after that.

Control/authority issues tend to indicate daddy issues

communication issues or abilities tend to reflect maternal relations

So work through these for yourself and if he will work with you, then you are compatible and evenly matched

if he resists change or pushes you to change more than he pushes himself then that is out of balance.

Settle those first before you make decisions about being romantically involved for the longrun

if you can't deal with each other's family or pasts that's a big sign of trouble because it's a lifelong process

the more you commit to improving yourself and relations with others, more people come into your life who are serious about this as you are. so if you want trouble, just make trouble and you attract more. if you want stability then work on this yourself, on resolving issues, and the rest will follow including people who are good for you

Posts: 3
How do you know you've become involved with

 Thank you for answering me.

That's a lot to think about. I don't know what I was expecting coming here, like you guys would talk to me, its just I think I love him but reading your posts it seems he couldn't love me, not really.

Posts: 1081
How do you know you've become involved with

Hi DXP Because we can't control how much people love us or not,

you will have to do things because YOU love people and do so unconditionally.

Not because you expect things in return.

If you do things "on the condition that they do X Y Z" you can mess up relations very quickly.

The kind of love that gives unconditionally, for lovesake on its own, can't get hurt but.

just multiplies. That love is sufficient unto itself, and is happy just to give and share.

So always try to love people with that kind of love.

If you have conditions or conflicts, resolve those first. Learn what your limits are and stick to them.

Nobody gets hurt that way, and you can share freely without giving too much.

Posts: 2829
How do you know you've become involved with

 Can you give some examples of behavior you find questionable that led you here other than the general "lack of empathy, disregard for authority"?
 

There are many threads that already exist with similar topics and I would advise you to read through the pages for those first then posting a bit more information.

Posts: 3
How do you know you've become involved with

He acts like he owns me, and he gets super mad if I don't do what he wants when he wants. But he's a total charmer and he got me out of my Mom's house. He does do things he could get arrested for, and he gets me to do them too, so I'm just as bad I guess. 

Posts: 262
How do you know you've become involved with

You're just easily influenced and controlled by him, not the same as being one. You're weaker than him, you don't have a strong sense of self yet, but it's ok, it will come with time. This will be your learning curve, you'll either sink or swim, time will tell and you will decide if you feel more comfortable being a victim or not. Good luck! It's gonna hurt like a motherfucker, but just make the commitment to yourself that he/this relationship will not define you going forward, fuckups happen, we all make mistakes, don't let it dictate who you are or will be in the future. That's my advice. Best of luck to you! If you were my daughter I would say RUN!! 

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