Sociopath Community

This is not a sociopath victim support site, this is a website for the sociopaths...

You are a sheep looking for other sheep, and you found the lions den...

There will be no pity given... only the harsh sentiments that you're a gullible idiot, that you got what you deserved, and you need to let it go and move on.

Dear Olivia: the number one advice for you, as a human being who doesn't deserve to suffer this, is to please separate your issues from his. If he cannot be honest about his past or current relations, if he does not get that his connections with kids are for life, and he is screwing up his kids if he doesn't straighten this out, that is HIS PROBLEM NOT YOURS.

You cannot let him drag you into his BS and ruin your life also.

This is like a drowning victim trying to pull you under with him.

You stay on firm solid ground. Do not go near or in the turbulent waters with him. This is a sinkhole, like a bottomless cesspool.

Even the top guards trained in rescues will throw a line to someone and won't jump in and get both people drowned.

Let him sink or swim, or send for professional trained help, to get his act together first or don't contact you.

If you cannot resist him, that is your part of this problem.

Think of him as a friend who calls you when in trouble but lies. You wouldn't put up with that. So don't tolerate it with him. You can't help a friend who doesn't tell you the truth about how much trouble they are in.

In truth, with people who are stable, they have friendly civil relations with their exes, children etc. and they add more friends and relations to their circle. They don't hide anything from each other.

So if you've never met his ex or his kids, you aren't an equal part of his life.

What friends would treat someone this way? You deserve better.

For my friends, they know and get along with my mother and family. That's the best screening device. If people aren't transparent and resolved with all their relations, that's a solid danger sign of problems they are hiding, projecting onto you or dragging you into, using you to cling to while they tread dangerous waters. That's like lying about a gambling addiction where you can never help.

Get away from this man, though you can support him "as a friend" to go through counseling for him and his kids to get all their garbage resolved with no more games or hiding anything. If he is serious, offer to meet with him and his wife to agree on terms for HIM working out his issues and relationships.

Think what you would tell a friend if she were being dragged back and forth. Wouldn't you tell her to stick with people who respect her better than this?

Be at least as good as a friend to yourself, as you would for anyone else.

There's nothing wrong with having past problems, but for godssakes he needs to straighten them out, not drag you into them. That's called relationship abuse.

If you don't consent to things and he lies/misrepresents what's happening, he's taking advantage of separation between people and abusing and hurting you.

Anyone who acts like that needs professional help; if you are not being paid to serve as his therapist, don't let him use you to dump things on this way.

Be a friend to yourself and him, and insist he get counseling for his conflicts. His children deserve nothing less than for both parents to get their act straight.

If he won't wake up for himself, he needs someone to explain how he's hurting his own children if he doesn't work this out and stop the dishonesty and games. Even hardened criminals in prison "break down and cry like babies" once they understand how much their children want them and will forgive anything to have their love and support. If you can't stand up for yourself, think of those kids too.

 Thank you. Not looking for pity, only insight and understanding.

 Hi Emilyn:

Thank you. Your advice is similar to that of friends and this counselour. I came for advice here because I don't know how much these people (friends, family etal) really understand of his psyche and how he works. He may be a sociopath, as has been suggested, but he is the father of my child and I will have to have a functioniong coparenting situation with him. I am not going back to him. I don't want to judge, I want to understand, for the sake of the child more than

anything

 First things first. First set up stable relations, and then this guy may feel safe to open up and deal with his issues. you can't ever get to that point if he feels threatened and goes and stays in attack mode to defend his territory.

Since you are not a bully, but his lawyer may be the bully type to play this game, you'd need to get a good lawyer who can play both games. Can work toward reconciliation and not block that with BS games, but knows how to cap a bully.

if your lawyer is too soft, the other lawyer will entice him to bulldoze over you.

But you don't want one who is such a bully with no concept of negotiating, like the bullying going on in Congress that blocks any problems solving.

Get that first, alleviate his fears. Anyone who fuels his fears will block and prevent you from working with him. So the first step is to reinforce a safe trusting environment and relationship with him by connecting with people he does trust.

the rest of the understanding will follow.

he can't be afraid of losing control, or he will not cooperate and will fear and block you from understanding him. trust and forgiveness can open that door.

he could have high functional asbergers, a schizoid or antisocial personality, any number of things. what messes people up no matter what we have going on is

FEAR and UNFORGIVENESS those two negative energies will skew whatever it is

get rid of those factors, and you can work with anyone on anything!

keep asking and you'll find the answers. he'll cooperate when you take the fear factor out of the equation. anyone who is pressuring or profiting from that needs to be resolved. if you triangulate the conflict, it's harder to see how much is him

try to find friends and family he trust to get on the same side where he feels INCLUDED not threatened or excluded. it's like getting a good clear internet access before you worry about getting the right information to go through. get the line clear, and get rid of all interference and blockage, and the rest follows.

call my friend Olivia for prayer if you want a faster breakthru, she helps for free. anything to help families with healing, she's gifted in bringing that together

I will also pray for the positive people and influences around you to overcome and resolve whatever fears causing the negative conflicts going on. take care

btw another neurosurgeon who now does counseling therapy is posted on that same webpage as Olivia's #. his name is Dr. Goldfedder healingisyours.com I don't relate to him as much, but my friend Juda does. I like Dr. Francis and Judith MacNutt who teach people how to resolve spiritual healing first to facilitate the psychological and physical healing after www.christianhealingmin.org Surround yourself with positive people and prayers and the right help will come.

Sorry if I was too harsh about this man. He really needs help, and sounds desperate. I worry he could be dangerous if he would lie and manipulate like that. anyone including his lawyer who takes advantage and doesn't help him, is doing him and his children a grave disservice. is there any family pastor on the side of the kids? any family member or friend on his side who can calm him down. men like that who try to overpower the wife for control need to listen to some authority figure they respect enough to resolve this and save face. if the only person he has is a lawyer fighting one side, you need someone above that.

Spiritual healing you say, in two threads no less?

Interesting.

 This man wants his cake and eat it too.

Chances are that he is a serial adulterer, and he uses guilt and empathy ploys to twist women around his finger.

He is not a sociopath, and not even particularly clever either.

Why you completely ignored the red flags, is more of the question.

Everyone has needs , wants and desires, but yours blinded you, and you've ended up with egg on your face.

Why even bother following this up?..you already know where you fucked up, and where the red flags were that you should have noticed.

You should simply get someone to kick you up your asshole very very hard, while picturing this idiot, that way you will develop further negative responses to bullshit artists and con men.

Please report to the kicking room immediately, and have your visa card handy for our easy-pay installment system.

Do you talk this much in real life too woman? XD I'd go crazy if I had to listen to you go on and on and on like this