Your sadness may have felt more like a concept because you possibly viewed her death as brought on by her. It's not uncommon to have resentment towards someone that in essence caused their own illness.
Well, wanna hit a few topics on this, starting with those personal to me and moving on to something theoretical.
I wonder if I am a sociopath.
The greatest indication, I would say, is that I am a liar. I wouldn't call myself a compulsive liar, because I feel no actual compusion to do so. I don't lie for no reason, persay; if I'm lying, it's to achieve either a specific result or to create an impression in another person of myself that I want them to have. However, these two criteria of mine come into play much more often than not. I feel no arbitrary remorse for lying unless I get caught in a web of lies by another, in which case my only regret is being stupid enough to get myself into such a situation.
I have no problem stealing from institutions, store, others(indeed, my own family) if, after carefully weighing the potential consequences to benefits, I feel that the benefits outweigh any consequences.
This would perhaps just be an exhibition of pessimism, but I also, for lack of any better description, hate society, and as such, the vast majority of individuals who historically influenced or presently influence the continuance of it in it's current state. I'm not stupid, but nor am I the most intelligent nor the best-educated person in the world, yet those more intelligent than me and better educated than me continue to push the gears of a self-destructive and stupid society without realizing what they are doing. I can't help but to feel somewhat superior to those who don't realize, by willing ignorance or not, the truly idiotic and pointless state of affairs that we have created. At the same time, however, I feel no need to take an active role in bettering the situation. Such an endeavor would require a lifetime of dedication and personal sacrifice, and I don't fancy the idea of spending my life that way. Sure, that makes me a hypocrite, but I can't say that I care; I think everyone is a hypocrite on some level.
I also recall that as a child I took, I wouldn't call it pleasure, but a certain degree of comfort from trapping and tormenting insects, but in retrospect, I consider that behavior of myself the same way that any other might consider a temper tantrum or something unimportant that they had as a child... just plain childish. I don't feel regret for it, but I don't feel pride either. I don't partake in such activities now, not because I consider them arbitrarily wrong, but because it would just being entirely uninteresting.
I would say that I care about my friends and family, on some level. After all, that is the natural thing to do. But, after introspective analysis into this caring, I've come to realize that it only extends to matters concerning me or their own opinion or consideration of me. To give an example, a current love interest of mine suffers from insomnia. She also has a very busy schedule, and regularly being deprived of sleep through no fault of her own causes her some distress, which she occasionally vents to me. I comfort her, of course, and spend my time researching possible remedies and treatments, and convey that information to her. But I realized that I don't do this because I care about the fact that she can't sleep and the distress that causes her, in and of itself; I do this so that she may see me as a person who is there to help her work through her problems.
She is a love interest of mine, but I wonder how long that would continue if we were to enter a long-term relationship. How long would it take for me to reach a point at which being a knight in shining armor to her damsel in distress is not what is called for anymore, and instead what she needs is something I simply cannot genuinely provide, and cannot learn to adequately fake quickly enough for her to not see through such a ruse? Would I feel guilty in that situation for not being capable of being what she would need at that point? I'm not entirely sure, though I don't think so.
Well, I think I've covered all my bases with that. Any feedback and thoughts would be welcome, though I'm not sure why I should have to state that, as posting on a public forum without being open to feedback is a humourously self-defeating concept.
So, my hypothetical... on the subject of morality. Particularly something that is commonly seen as a moral absolute: that killing another human being is wrong, no matter what the situation, outside of self-preservation.
I was always puzzled by morality, and I hadn't yet come to the conclusion of my own possible sociopathy at the time when I deeply considered the topic. I defined morality using my own terms, believing that what is "moral" and "immoral" should be judged by weighing established factors that are themselves pre-defined as "benefit" and "cost". An action which creates more benefit than cost is moral, while an action which creates more cost than benefit is immoral.
My question assumes that the taking of a life falls within the negative "cost" category. Here goes: if you were to meet an individual who you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, had killed one or more people, had no remorse for those actions, and would without a doubt kill one or more people in the future, and may or may not be caught by the authorities and sent to prison, and you knew that you could kill this person yourself, dispose of their body, and not suffer consequences... would you?
I honestly have to say that I think I would.
I think you will, it's just a matter of time. Just make sure you watch Dexter, the entire series, before chasing the blood. Trust me, you do not want to make the same mistakes Father Dexter did.
When I first read Sociopathworld.com, I started looking for the same answer you are now: "am I a sociopath?"
Do yourself a favor and stop trying to come up with a diagnostic. Have you read M.E. Thomas' book? Second chapter talks about it.
Now it's time for you to relax and understand yourself. Just read the book and the forum and your mind will figure it all out.
When I first came here, I was sure I was just a selfish empath. Now, 2 weeks later, I understand I have sociopathic traits. What's next? I don't know, but it sure feels really good to understand my true nature and this blog/forum has helped A LOT!
Lol, I fucking love the show Dexter, but haven't gotten very far into it, just the beginning of second season. But already I see what you mean, much of my reaction while watching consists of, "What are you doing, Dexter? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"
I'm guessing from the existence of several more seasons that he gets his shit straight, but I'm looking forward to finding out how.
My god that was long...and it carried on for ages...
Name the reasons why you think you're a sociopath and why think you're NOT one. For instance I'm a chronic liar, I will lie to someone even if I have nothing to gain. I think if someone want's to find the truth in anything they should seek it and not ask.
So let's try this again, and don't be boring.
"don't get any big ideas
they're not gonna happen"
Radiohead
Dexter is not a show about people. It's about a sociopath with killing urges. He does get his things "straight" but his urge for blood will defeat him in the end. Also, the fact that he sort of abandons his urges at the end is the very reason the his end is so sad. He understood who he was but he tried acting differently from that. Huge mistake, the greatest teaching the series has to offer.
There's no happy ending for Dexter and there won't be for you unless you really start reading and studying and absorving.
and read M.E's book!!
Well, reasons I think I am a sociopath were stated in the original post. Chronic lying for benefit of self or image, lack of empathy for other people's emotional problems, chronic stealing for benefit of self or gratification. A few I didn't state were my lack of impulse control, and, more in depth... I tend to see myself as a watcher of others that is only seen when I want to be. I tend to have the unrealistic belief that maintaining steady eye contact with others is not a sign of aggression, as most would take it to be, but a sign of respect, mostly because in the rare occasions that a stranger does not avert their gaze from mine, I feel recognized, acknowledged. I see it as a mutual exchange of respect. I don't know why.
Reasons that I don't think I'm a sociopath? Well, reading up on the subject has somewhat broadened my understanding of the term, so I know that this is no longer relevant, but for the last few years my primary reason for not considering myself a sociopath is that the thought of the people I care about dying causes me to feel sad, or angry if I imagine that the harm is brought upon them by another person intentionally. But that never really stuck with me as a doubt, as when I'm in actual situations that involve that, I don't feel those same emotions. My mother got lung cancer from smoking cigarettes, and my sadness for the idea that my mother could very well die felt like a concept rather than an emotion.
If the way I explain things seems long-winded to you, then feel free not to read them or respond. I like to be precise and detailed, and that tends to require using more words. Deal with it.
by ThorMW128my primary reason for not considering myself a sociopath is that the thought of the people I care about dying causes me to feel sad, or angry if I imagine that the harm is brought upon them by another person intentionally.
Are you "sad" because the other person is gone/going to die or are you just upset because you'll no longer have the benefits of the relationship you had with that person?
I'm not a full-blown sociopath but I behave as one. I feel empathy but at the same time I only do what interests me. If I depended on a diagnosis, I'd be fucked. I'm nothing and I'm everything at the same time.
Stop looking for yes/no questions. Sociopathy is way much deeper than that :P