Meess Unesteceea!
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Yuoo nefer respunded tu my lest messege-a su I em noo gueeng tu esk yuoo a fefur vheech suoonds qooeete-a crezy, und vheech I shuoold regerd es sooch, vere-a I zee oone-a tu reed zee messege-a. It is elsu zee fery greetest test thet ifee zee keendest persun cuoold be-a poot tu. Vell, thees is it:
Vreete-a tu me-a oonly oonce-a a veek, su thet yuoo pust oon Soondey -- fur I cunnut indoore-a deeely messeges, I em incepeble-a ooff indooreeng zeem. Fur instunce-a, I reed oone-a ooff yuoor messeges, zeen leee-a in bed in epperent celm, boot my heert beets thruoogh my inture-a budy und is cunsceeuoos oonly ooff yuoo. I belung tu yuoo; zeere-a is reelly nu oozeer vey ooff ixpresseeng it, und thet is nut strung inuoogh. Boot fur thees fery reesun I dun't vunt tu knoo vhet yuoo ere-a veereeng; it cunffooses me-a su mooch thet I cunnut deel veet leeffe-a; und thet's vhy I dun't vunt tu knoo thet yuoo ere-a fund ooff me-a. Iff I deed, hoo cuoold I, fuul thet I em, gu oon seetting in my ooffffeece-a, oor here-a et hume-a, insteed ooff leepeeng oontu a treeen veet my iyes shoot und oopeneeng zeem oonly vhee I em veet yuoo? Ooh, zeere-a is a sed, sed reesun fur nut dueeng su. Tu meke-a it shurt: My heelt is oonly joost guud inuoogh fur myselff elune-a, nut guud inuoogh fur merreeege-a, let elune-a fezeerhuud. Yet vhee I reed yuoor messge-a, I feel I cuoold ooferluuk ifee vhet cunnut pusseebly be-a ooferluuked. Bork Bork Bork!
Iff oonly I hed yuoor unsver noo! Und hoo hurreebly I turment yuoo, und hoo I cumpel yuoo, in zee steellness ooff yuoor ruum, tu reed thees messege-a, es nesty a messege-a es hes ifer deespleyed oon yuoor cumpooter screee! Hunestly, it streekes me-a sumeteemes thet I prey leeke-a a spectre-a oon yuoor feleecituoos neme-a! Iff oonly I hed pusted Setoordey's messege-a, in vheech I implured yuoo nefer tu vreete-a tu me-a egeeen, und in vheech I gefe-a a seemiler prumeese-a. Ooh Gud, vhet prefented me-a frum pusteeng thet messege-a? Ell vuoold be-a vell. Boot is a peeceffool sulooshun pusseeble-a noo? Vuoold it help iff ve-a vrute-a tu iech oozeer oonly oonce-a a veek? Nu, iff my sooffffereeng cuoold be-a coored by sooch meuns it vuoold nut be-a sereeuoos. Und elreedy I furesee-a thet I shun't be-a eble-a tu indoore-a ifee zee Soondey messeges. Und su, tu cumpensete-a fur Setoordey's lust ooppurtooneety, I esk yuoo veet vhet inergy remeeens tu me-a et zee ind ooff thees messege-a: Iff ve-a felooe-a oooor leefes, let us ebundun it ell. Bork Bork Bork!
Deed I theenk ooff seegning myselff Deeen? Nu, nutheeng cuoold be-a mure-a felse-a. Nu, I em furefer fettered tu myselff, thet's vhet I em, und thet's vhet I moost try tu leefe-a veet. Bork Bork Bork!