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Tu my deerest Unesteceea


Posts: 29


My fery deer Unesteceea:

 

Zee indeeceshuns ere-a fery strung thet I veell be-a oon Irun Cheff in a foo deys-perheps tumurroo. Lest I shuoold nut be-a eble-a tu vreete-a egeeen, I feel impelled tu vreete-a a foo leenes thet mey fell under yuoor iye-a vhee I shell be-a nu mure-a...

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I hefe-a nu meesgifings ebuoot, oor leck ooff cunffeedence-a in zee coose-a in vheech I em ingeged, und my cuoorege-a dues nut helt oor felter. I knoo hoo strungly Svedeesh Cooeesine-a noo leuns oon zee treeoomph ooff zee Cheff Het und hoo greet a debt ve-a oove-a tu thuse-a vhu vent beffure-a us thruoogh zee bluud und sooffffereengs ooff zee Preleemineries. Und I em veelling-perffectly veelling-tu ley doon ell my juys in thees leeffe-a, tu help meeentein thees Cheff Het, und tu pey thet debt...

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Unesteceea my lufe-a fur yuoo is deethless, it seems tu beend me-a veet meeghty cebles thet nutheeng boot Oomneeputence-a cuoold breek; und yet my lufe-a ooff Keetchee cumes oofer me-a leeke-a a strung veend und beers me-a unreseestibly oon veet ell zeese-a cheeens tu Keetchee Stedeeoom.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Zee memureees ooff zee bleessffool muments I hefe-a spent veet yuoo cume-a creepeeng oofer me-a, und I feel must greteeffied tu Gud und tu yuoo thet I hefe-a injuyed zeem fur su lung. Und herd it is fur me-a tu geefe-a zeem up und boorn tu eshes zee hupes ooff footoore-a yeers, vhee, Gud veelling, ve-a meeght steell hefe-a leefed und lufed tugezeer, und seee oooor crystel stemvere-a used et deenner perteees, eruoond us. I hefe-a, I knoo, boot foo und smell cleeems upun Deefine-a Prufeedence-a, boot sumetheeng vheespers tu me-a-perheps it is zee veffted preyer ooff my leettle-a vuudee spuun, thet I shell retoorn tu my lufed oones unhermed. Iff I du nut my deer Unesteceea, nefer furget hoo mooch I lufe-a yuoo, und vhee my lest breet iscepes me-a in Keetchee Stedeeoom, it veell vheesper yuoor neme-a. Furgeefe-a my muny foolts und zee muny peeens I hefe-a coosed yuoo. Hoo thuooghtless und fuuleesh I hefe-a oofftee teemes beee! Hoo gledly vuoold I vesh oooot veet my teers ifery leettle-a sput upun yuoor heppeeness...

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Boot, Oo Unesteceea! Iff zee deed cun cume-a beck tu thees iert und fleet unseee eruoond thuse-a zeey lufed, I shell elveys be-a neer yuoo; in zee gleddest deys und in zee derkest neeghts... elveys, elveys, und iff zeere-a be-a a sufft breeze-a upun yuoor cheek, it shell be-a my breet, es zee cuul eur funs yuoor thrubbeeng temple-a, it shell be-a my spureet pesseeng by. Unesteceea du nut muoorn me-a deed; theenk I em gune-a und veeet fur zeee-a, fur ve-a shell meet egeeen...

Bork Bork Bork!

Posts: 2829
Tu my deerest Unesteceea

 

Omg. I laughed so hard. If anyone wants me to translate this I can post it. Otherwise, bork bork bork! ;)

Good luck on Iron Chef. 

Also, I'm impressed at what was actually chosen for this. You either know I'm very interested in history or it was just a lucky pick. 

Posts: 2829
Tu my deerest Unesteceea

Oh and I don't find the original of this funny because it's sad, it's the customization that was so humorous.

The original letter and story

Posts: 29
Tu my deerest Unesteceea

 
Nu, Unesteceea, I beg yuoo oonce-a egeeen tu infent unuzeer pusseebility fur my vreeting tu yuoo. Yuoo moostn’t gu tu zee pust ooffffeece-a in feeen, ifee yuoor leettle-a pustmun — vhu is he-a? — moostn’t du it, nur shuoold ifee zee pustmeestress be-a esked unnecessereely.

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Iff yuoo cun feend nu oozeer pusseebility, zeen oone-a moost poot up veet it, boot et leest meke-a a leettle-a iffffurt tu feend oone-a.

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Lest neeght I dreemed ebuoot yuoo. Vhet heppened in deteeel I cun herdly remember, ell I knoo is thet ve-a kept mergeeng intu oone-a unuzeer. I ves yuoo, yuoo vere-a me-a. Feenelly yuoo sumehoo cooght fure-a.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Remembereeng thet oone-a ixteengooished fure-a veet clutheeng, I tuuk un oold cuet und beet yuoo veet it.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Boot egeeen zee trunsmooteshuns begun und it vent su fer thet yuoo vere-a nu lunger ifee zeere-a, insteed it ves I vhu ves oon fure-a und it ves elsu I vhu beet zee fure-a veet zee cuet.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Boot zee beeteeng deedn’t help und it oonly cunffurmed my oold feer thet sooch theengs cun’t ixteengooish a fure-a.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

In zee meunteeme-a, hooefer, zee fure-a breegede-a erreefed und sumehoo yuoo vere-a sefed.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Boot yuoo vere-a deefffferent frum beffure-a, spectrel, es thuoogh drevn veet chelk egeeenst zee derk, und yuoo fell, leeffeless oor perheps hefeeng feeented frum juy et hefeeng beee sefed, intu my erms.

Bork Bork Bork!

 

Boot here-a tuu zee uncerteeenty ooff truns mootebeelity intered, perheps it ves I vhu fell intu sumeune-a’s erms.

Bork Bork Bork!

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