Have you considered stand-up comedy? I think it might just be your calling in life.
Just in case anyone needs a recap;
Your mother was a neglectful slut who never gave even half a fuck about you, your father was weak cunt who never gave enough of a shit about you not to kill himself, you are an old, overweight slag with a big ass and an even bigger mouth.
The only reason you even survive is because the Australian Government is stupid enough to provide you with a pension for being an easy slut and you spat out a bastard child that you are probably going to ruin.
Even at the cost of debasing yourself?
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
— Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil