I have to go to work so I jut uploaded this really quick
the first one sucks, then there is a gap of silence, and then just skip to @10:02
the middle one is much happy
and then the last song @15:48 after that is just bull shitting around
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All of these are terrible
I’m having a difficult time writing because of being on the lexapro
I only write good music when I’m deeply mentally disturbed and unwell
and with no anti-depressants in the system
but I’m trying to make it work... so just bear with me
um... hm. Yeah basically I’m just playing around until I find something that sticks
and once I hit that groove I can write a few really good songs so
that’s kind of what I’m searching for with these jam sessions but as you can tell I’m just not feeling it and I start saying really sarcastic shit
It’s hard for me to get “into it” and.. especially because I can’t hear myself until after the fact so
during it I think I sound really bad but in the recording I realize oh it wasn’t that bad
idk like, I’m just hard on myself and on the music and it shouldn’t be about that it should be about expression but
it’s hard when you have nothing to immediately express so I’m just drawing from whatever I can think of and it’s very forced right now
And when I sing from the heart all I wanna sing about is my ex and I’m so tired of singing about my fucking ex so I make a deliberate effort not to
because how many fucking songs can you write about one damn person Jesus Christ
that’s what I’m talking about when I say “when are you gonna get over it” kind of expressing how I’m just reached the point of being done with myself even for being not over it
But yeah Pink Floyd actually went through a phase where they wrote really bad music, it’s some of their rarest tracks they never ever ever play on the radio they’re difficult to find but it was when the lead singer went through a break up and literally everything he wrote sounded like screachinf dying cats
but I liked it because I understood it immediately I was like “yes, this is what it feels like, this is what it sounds like to be heart broken and depressed.”
he nailed the experience so accurately in a song that it’s undesirable for people to listen to
but yeah what I’m saying is... I don’t feel bad about writing bad shit and just getting it out because, I just see it as a normal part of the process. You write 113 bad songs and then the 114th is good and you run with that. Lol
also, the reason the songs on the guitar suck more than the piano is because this guitar is very low quality I got it off the floor in a thrift store and tried to fix it but it’s really destroyed and like has hot wax spilled all over it and the strings are maybe a decade old its worthless monetarily.
when I play on the 3k guitars in guitar center it sounds a whole lot better... oof. So much better. And then obviously the recording equipment sucks, I’m just using an iPhone.
So I think it would sound a lot better if I put a little more effort into my set up.
I haven’t been writing as much on the piano because it’s so old now, it’s gotten severely out of tune. It was given to me for free and before that it was bought damaged and out of tune off of craigslist by a friend, for literally zero dollars. So once again another worthless beyond repair instrument.
And it’s just going down hill unfortunately... in order for it to sound right again it would need to be gutted and the cost of that you might as well just buy a new fucking piano.
We’re talking thousands of dollars lol so... yeah... mmm
when i play on a Steinway though BITCH... shit will blow you away how much better it sounds.
but once again the inspiration to write comes 10,000 times easier off the meds. So I’m *trying* to work with what I’ve got but
I sound frustrated and everything sucks and I keep cutting shit off early because I’m just genuinely frustrated with myself, the flow isn’t happening as easily as it used to but
I will show you all my old stuff and you’ll realize “ah yeah you used to have it and then you lost it”
and you can tell something is missing.
you know if you compare and contrast. You will hear the difference clear as day.
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