recently ive had the great experience of dealing with a person that is pretending to know things that they really do not. very frustrating. amazingly my ideas become their ideas.
i get called into help with a computer problem, then the guy starts telling me how to fix it, lol, WTF
yelling soon happened, WOOOOO.
i think im the only one that knows that he is ignorant and pretending. maybe not though.
how should i deal with this guy?
Why is their ignorance annoying instead of funny to you anyway?
I mostly get frustrated with wasted time, otherwise I have to really know the person and be invested in their well being... and even then I'm more frustrated with how they're handling themselves.
If it's purely over myself, I feel like my time was meant to be wasted, but if it's going to be it might as well be a positive experience.
Why is their ignorance annoying instead of funny to you anyway?
I mostly get frustrated with wasted time, otherwise I have to really know the person and be invested in their well being... and even then I'm more frustrated with how they're handling themselves.
time was definitely being wasted, the guy was not listening and making wrong decisions causing more serious time consuming problem.
it actually is very funny now that i think about it.
Why is their ignorance annoying instead of funny to you anyway?
I mostly get frustrated with wasted time, otherwise I have to really know the person and be invested in their well being... and even then I'm more frustrated with how they're handling themselves.time was definitely being wasted, the guy was not listening and making wrong decisions causing more serious time consuming problem.
it actually is very funny now that i think about it.
Yeah, sounds like a comedy of errors with a baselessly self-confident spin to cope with not knowing what to do. Some people are really bad at being put into the humbled position, and have to re-establish dominance after/during.
It's stuff like that that makes shows like "Idiot Abroad" fun to watch.
i get called into help with a computer problem, then the guy starts telling me how to fix it, lol, WTF
Funny anecdote. I think I get the reasons you're upset.
Outside of that small group of virtual saints, most normal people are far more narcissistic than they give themselves credit for, and some will attempt to get what they want as often as possible. From what it sounds, he places himself higher on his priority list than he does your well-being. Your colleague is riding the reputation wave, and is hoping you won't call him out on it.
If you're looking for an advice: People who explode come across as petty. It's not surprising, really. Anger and outbursts are generally frowned upon, so it'd be easy to assume you're in the wrong if you showed your frustration openly. The ones that keep calm and focused tend to prevail. So, I'd advise you to not lose your cool or call him out in a public outburst.
I'd also recommend you to put yourself higher on your own priority list, if you haven't already. There are some who are completely upfront about their own ideas and will ruthlessly set the record straight. They rarely get run over. If "your ideas become their ideas", then I'd suggest calling those ideas yours, even post-presentation. I've seen that happen countless of times. An idea is being floated around by a third person, until another gentleman nonchalantly claims ownership. Almost every time, the third person turns 180 degrees and credits this new gentleman. Even if he doesn't, the bystanders get it.
Also -- there's some subjective bias here but let me go on anyway -- adults play real-life Monopoly. We are all playing a very elaborate game of make-believe for adults. This is how it seems to be everywhere. In the boot camp. In the Congress. In corporate America. We are all playing these roles, although we do not have to. It is our fear, among other, less potent motivations, that keeps us locked into the mass absurdity. We believe in rules that have no basis in any other space outside of the human brain. It’s like the rules of Monopoly, the board game. For me, it's a joke, but for most people, the game is real. If you're willing to believe that, then, depending on your worldview, it can be a goldmine (or a source of depression).
You can try to observe the selected few who change those unwritten rules. From what I see, they do so by promoting their views. You can try to promote an altruistic atmosphere. You can choose to be strict about giving credit only to those who deserve it. Be open about your views -- that credits should be earned. Go on personal rants about it until it becomes the de facto unquestioned standard. Now, I realize this borders on the manipulative, so take it with a pinch of salt. Do what you think is right.
My last advice is to disconnect yourself from your colleague. I can't imagine being around him will be productive for you. I've seen people working together, splitting credits 70-30, until the other person (oft 30), ad hoc, manages everything. It's not magic or a sudden boost in performance, he decided to cut his colleague off. The other person never worked, he just showed up to eat his part of the cake, and then some more.
Having said this, it's all up to you. I don't know what kind of environment you work in. Our subjective experiences are likely to be vastly different, so what works for me, might not work for you at all! This is my experience of the society around me, so don't it too dogmatically.
Also, let me say something else. I believe that most people are not being consciously disingenuous, and likely this applies to your colleague, too. It's quite likely he's just doing too much navel-gazing. Most people do too much navel-gazing, if you ask me.
i get called into help with a computer problem, then the guy starts telling me how to fix it, lol, WTF
Funny anecdote. I think I get the reasons you're upset.
Outside of that small group of virtual saints, most normal people are far more narcissistic than they give themselves credit for, and some will attempt to get what they want as often as possible. From what it sounds, he places himself higher on his priority list than he does your well-being. Your colleague is riding the reputation wave, and is hoping you won't call him out on it.
If you're looking for advise: People who explode come across as petty. It's not surprising, really. Anger and outbursts are generally frowned upon, so it'd be easy to assume you're in the wrong. The ones that keep calm and focused tend to prevail. So, I'd advise you to not lose your cool or call him out in a public outburst.
I'd also advise you to put yourself higher on your own priority list, if you haven't already. There are some people who are completely upfront about their own ideas and will ruthlessly set the record straight. They rarely get run over. If "your ideas become their ideas", then I'd suggest calling those ideas yours, even post-presentation. I've seen that happen countless of times. An idea is being floated around by a third person, until another gentleman non-chalantly claims ownership. Almost every time, the third person turns 180 degrees and credits this new gentleman. Even if he doesn't, the bystanders get it.
Also -- there's some subjective bias here but let me go on anyway -- adults play real-life Monopoly. We are all playing a very elaborate game of make believe for adults. This is how it seems to be everywhere. In the boot camp. In the Congress. In corporate America. We are all playing these roles, although we do not have to. It is our fear, among other, less potent motivations, that keeps us locked into the mass absurdity. We believe in rules that have no basis in any other space outside of the human brain. It’s like the rules of Monopoly, the board game. For me, it's a joke, but for most people, the game is real. If you're willing to believe that, then, depending on your worldview, it can be a goldmine (or a source of depression).
You can try to observe the selected few who change those unwritten rules. From what I see, they do so by promoting their views. You can try to promote an altruistic atmosphere. You can choose to be strict about giving credit only to those who deserve it. Be open about your views -- that credits should be earned. Go on personal rants about it until it becomes the de facto unquestioned standard. Now, I realize this borders on the manipulative, so take it with a pinch of salt. Do what you think is right.
My final advice is to disconnect yourself from your colleague. I can't imagine being around him will be productive for you. I've seen people working together, splitting credits 70-30, until the other person (oft 30), ad hoc, manages everything. It's not magic or a sudden boost in motivation, he decided to cut his colleague off. The other person never worked, he just showed up to eat his portion of the cake and some more.
Having said this, it's all up to you. I don't know what kind of environment you work in. Our subjective experiences are likely to be vastly different, so what works for me, might not work for you at all! This is my experience of the society around me, so don't it too dogmatically.
Also, let me say something else. I believe that most people are not being consciously disingenuous, and likely this applies to your colleague, too. It's quite likely he's just doing too much navel-gazing. Most people do too much navel-gazing, if you ask me.
"In the boot camp. In the Congress. In corporate America. We are all playing these roles, although we do not have to. It is our fear, among other, less potent motivations, that keeps us locked into the mass absurdity."
very true, some are better at playing roles than others. society and ourselve also, put bounds on behavior. and some dont care about the roles, outcasts. acting takes attention and work. leaders can also act the part. when its totally fake and obvious its cringy, lol
"My final advice is to disconnect yourself from your colleague." this is what i did for now. hes in over his head. its only a matter of time before he fails. so i will watch from a distance. cool post, thanks
One way I found that is effective with people like that is to let them feel like they are being some part of the solution, or that they contributed. If they are insecure about their knowledge, let them think that they played a role. In little ways like, "nice idea." "You might be right."
That all may sound a bit manipulative, but people also tend to come around to people better when they feel accepted. It's same thing good parents do with their kids.
That all may sound a bit manipulative, but people also tend to come around to people better when they feel accepted. It's same thing good parents do with their kids.
Yeah, not all manipulation is harmful or bad.
