lyrics
I was only ever meant to love one girl and it’s you
Do you like the way I destroy myself now
I promise it’s not your fault
This isn’t meant to be a poem and I’m not an artist
I don’t have any talent or ability
I was never pretty or worth looking at
I’m not a lovable girl
I’m just some person people happen to pass by
And I write to myself
Always have
Seems like all I’ve ever really had in life is myself
Guess I’m just tired of that
Lately…. I want you to know where I’m at
I’m suicidal and I mean that
Sincerely
And it’s not because of unrequited love or self loathing
Or anyone’s fault
It’s not a failure to succeed or find happiness
Financial freedom
Opportunity
I don’t feel short sided or deficit in anyway
By anyone or anything
I’m just depressed mentally sick, it’s a disorder you know
It’s different than just feeling sad
I just want to kill myself wnd I think about it everyday
I don’t want it but it’s always there
It always has been and
When I met you, you just filled in all my empty crevices and pot holes and ugly craters
In such a beehhtkfil way
Beyond what I could of ever expected or wanted
And you showed me a love that was unimaginable and indescribable
It just kept getting better and better and even in the hardest of times I still
Loved you just as strongly of not stronger
Than the day I laid eyes on you
Seems like my life all I’ve known is struggle
I’m tired of the negative
I’m tired of hearing it in my head
The criticism in the back of the room
Gets loud sometimes
So loud it’s dibilitating
I can’t begin to describe the hell I’ve gone through with mental illness
But take my
Word for it when I say
It’s serious
I just want it to stop
But the only thing that makes it fade away
Is oxycodone
Or an opiate
Or Love
And other drugs
And I’m hopeless without it
Hopelessly addicted
It’s pathetic but
Without either of the two I’m a walking shadow
There’s no doubt
And I feel incredibly
Meaningless and worthless
Day in and day out
The misery is enough to make you want to swallow a bullet
In fact most days I spent fighting the urge
To slit my wrists or jump off a bridge
And that’s the god honest truth.
And I’m not telling you this
For any other reason
Than the fact I’m just tired of telling myself
I don’t want sympathy
I don’t want these words to be judged harshly
I’m just opening my pages and you happen to read them
And know you know a part of
Me I never show
This horrible ugly thing inside that I can’t untangle
No matter how hard I try
And believe me
I’ve tried everything
I’ve read every book
Taken every angle
And perspective
I’ve done all that one possibly can
To cure themselves
The truth is
There is only one cure
Oxycodone
Or heroin
I want to die anyways
So it’s not a big deal
To me
Shoot drugs
And erase the pain
I just wish it didn’t have to be this way
Sitting in a therapists office and every week
Routinely complain
I pay her to sit there and make that stupid face
She’s only trying her best
And so have I
But I keep going in the hope it might end
Someone to steal me away from my quiet sleep that could last a century
I understand that’s just a fantasy
Not reality
Tne truth is
Reality is Boring
