im thinking about leaving too... I'm fairly stable as long as I remain on my meds... perhaps I can try to live a functioning life again...
one that's... less anti social and, more adventurous. more active, involved. like I used to be.
that would be cool. I just don't know what I'm doing so I linger in places like this.... never really felt I belonged anywhere truly so
when you don't feel that way about the things you're doing in life, no matter how capable you are, it's sort of like, a dissociative experience. everyday of your life.
you go to work and school and hang out with "friends" but no one really knows who you are and, you feel alone because
... you just don't feel like you belong there truly, you're just kind of, there.
I want to find a place where I feel I belong truly. but until I do, I just kind of feel like everything else is meandering or some journey to that eventual place.
and I worry I will never find it or, will die before I do from some unexpected thing and
none of it will have really meant much.
