this thread is for any moments of major self awareness that you have had about yourself, in whichever ways you differ from the norm as most of us here on SC do in some way or another
I used to think I was extremely self-aware but I still have blindspots and one of the more recent ones that has come to light is that people think that I want to be normal, and social, and liked. the truth is I dont and I never have and from a very young age I've gone out of the way to do the exact opposite of what is normally socially lauded as cool and the appropriate thing to do. not because I can't, but because I don't want to. I mean, maybe I can't because my desire to not want to always ends up overpowering any desire for the ease that comes with being normal and playing along
but the point is, I never have wanted to be.........normal. cool. well-liked or popular. and I never will lol. this baffles people in general. idk I was born this way to i'm not going to change lol. some people were desitined to be different
I have always subconsciously probably led people on that I want to change and be more like the rest of society, but not out of a true desire to be, it is more to ease the shock they experience when they realize im not like them and im missing that desire to fit in
(p.s. I clearly dont have sociopathy or truly any diagnosable mental disorder to sum up what is so different about me, it seems I have some of everything but mostly I have some sort of internal desire to be so different that I have become what everyone wants me not to be)
like, why am I this way? I have no fucking idea but i dont see it ever changing as i've been this way since birth
