Hello one, hello all. Tonight I shall give a quite compelling tale and in telling it, I shall explain my long standing fascination with Kanye West. I will compare the timeline of me on SC with his discography and life and how I can relate to it and how I feel that I am in many ways, the Kanye of SC.
So, how did it all start? Talk about the butterfly effect, (literally got married as a result of this night) I was on now defunct Teenchat.com which was basically a less mature SC live chat with no sign up, and one Crave was there under the apt name "Tea". She was going on about how she was in a relationship with a transgender schizophrenic submissive who would not show her enough affection, and I flamed her for crying about it. This led to a conversation and our eventual DM'ing and her sending me the Sociopath-community link. I didn't know where it would go so I went ahead and made an account.
But before I made an account for the sociopath forum, I needed a name that'd fit well. At the time I was very much into Queen and so, I thought the title of a song about having killed a man would be fitting, and when you take the definition of "Bohemian Rhapsody" it means "A socially uncoventional expression of feeling." I thought the irony between the definition and the subject matter cool so I chose the name. I was already armed with Turq's nudes from Crave and the memes I made from them to create my first ever SC topic: OFFICIAL FAT SHAMING THREAD".
These early days were marked by a series of edgy shitposts from me, not too different from what we were seeing in posters like Xadem and TPG. I was accused of being various puppets; Jim, Crave, TPG, Goober. Despite this I tread on and kept making posts. I didn't really have a good sense of topic creation yet so I did a lot of targeting of people Crave hated, like Blanc and Turquie. This whole era of SC was characterized by bubbling tensions between the shitposting camp and the old SC Members due to Jim's banning and eventually resulted in Luna going axe crazy and banning a bunch of people. Which of course, drastically reduced SC's userbase for a time as they migrated to EC discord and forum. I pretty much followed Crave onto this because honestly I was crushing on her at the time but since she was with TC I didn't bother. Eventually I lost interest when I realized she was kinda a shit mod herself as well as pretentious and rude so naturally I drifted from the discord she had and quit SC for awhile, instead opting to do my own thing in real life, and returned to Teenchat.
In terms of Kanye, this would be the early era of his discography before he matured into the master artist he became. I didn't purposely model after him but I'm retrospect a lot of my SC timeline is similar to his over the years with his reputation, ect. So, in this hiatus between my return to SC I met this girl named Sofia (1cats2 on Kik) and she was my e bitch for awhile. I caught feelings but the thot went stone cold on me and ghosted. This coincided with me getting on Adderall, and much like how Kanye delved into his music to get over loss in 808's and his magnum opus Twisted Fantasy, this loss would set off a chain reaction.
I coped by tripling down on a few things. For one was my online activity and this lead to me returning to SC right around the time EC started failing. Another thing was my ego, I started listening to Kanye and plus I was on Adderall and those 2 things along with my newfound college life freedom I began to really build myself up. Last but not least was my academic interests. I was able to really get into math and electronics and that lent to some of my SC posts. All these factors set the stage for a great return to a post EC SC.
At this point, I would label it as my "Twisted Fantasy" stage in terms of the Kanye parallels. Using my newfound energy, I began making very long posts called the "SC show". The premise was simple, it'd be a comedy play regarding some real life scenario involving SC users. These were were very critically acclaimed posts that I came to be very proud of. I found new adversaries in this time too, namely CS and Barrel. My legendary rep battle with CS that eventually became a couple on couple war when with I got with delora and with Barrel in the mix was great times. I was churning out great posts at least every other day. I even made an SC CARD GAME with actual designed cards based off the site layout, which is actually what made delora like me in the first place. The Senate election was really fun and one of the best times as well. On top of it, all the acclaim I received made my ego go to unprecedented heights and so, a crash was bound to happen.
That crash came soon after all the streaming stuff with delora, when Waltz posted the video on delora that fucked up her YouTube rep. That really pissed me off, and so I entered what I would like to call the "Yeezus" stage of my time on SC. I adopted a very much fuck everybody textbook NPD attitude and basically alienated everybody who used to like what I posted. I guess it was kind of like an extended period of narcissistic rage but I think some was justified. But yeah, my e rep made a 180 tailspin straight into the gutter. I thought I'd be able to remedy it but as I learned, not really.
Despite all, I'd say I'm doing much better lately. I understand that this time I idealize so much was a discrete state that cannot be replicated because us humans are sequential beasts. Unless I collectively erased SC's memory of my flip out that will never be a thing again. A large component now is ignoring the hate and learning that there is a place between hating and adoration that I too often shove aside as the former. I have a difficult time distinguishing between real constructive criticisms and manipulative attempts to control me out of their own prideful whims. This makes it hard to manage that grey area of feedback. I suppose I've accepted the label of "narc of SC" and doubt it'll go anywhere but aye, maybe I can be the narc that strives for perfectionism and being the best me. My ego is definitely a part of me and it'd feel wrong to completely suppress it to appease you all. It's a constant push pull because it encourages me to not care about your feedback and yet it needs the feedback to be good to stay up. My ego is my perfectionism which I consider to be my greatest quality. I don't want it to go too far but also, I give my ego the respect it deserves for pushing me to strive and thrive.
So maybe you're stuck with me and my ego. I don't make posts just to appease people here because some people will never to pleased but I definitely take time on posts with the intent of generating some sort of discussion or understanding. I get that a lot of you are gonna TLDR this one so thank you if you made it this far, and stay wavey.
