Why can’t I just sit fucking still for god sake
need benzos but I can’t take them because it results in a problem for me
but I really just can’t calm down and it’s so annoying
like just overly tense and can’t sit still and tapping tapping tapping tapping clenching my jaw
I’m aggitated by everything and aggravated and frustrated and impatient and coming out my skin
and as soon as I do something to relieve the tension I fall asleep from exhaustion
and it’s just a never ending cycle that way
the dreams are nightmares and I wake up disoriented and having an anxiety attack
and sometimes i have panic attacks at night too, for no reason
it’s just constant panic and then exhaustion to the point of being in physical aching pain and not wanting to move
everything I eat makes me tired ontop of already being tired from lack of sleep
not eating makes me tired though too
and my mind is a mess. Between the anxiety and the depression you might as well jump off a bridge im rendered so useless and dysfunctional by it!
Cant sit still and yet exhausted
incessantly
just want to take it all away with something good but I can’t if i want to stay sober
i know I’m on a recovery journey or whatever and I don’t want to mess it up
I def don’t wanna make my life worse by using drugs
But it’s just so annoying... this is the part where it gets hard to stay sober
getting clean is the easy part staying clean is the real challenge
And I honestly don’t think I can make it much longer I’ve been white knocking through this for days and days and days
not sure how to make it stop
🙄
