Okay Cawk, I'll admit that I really like your Jade Empire list, it shows effort and more going on with you than mere egoism with your choice of people and descriptions. Even your "former life" pick's oddly humble even though, basing from your chat log with Luna, you seem to think Gao the Lesser doesn't still apply to you these days.
I'd have even understood upgrading to "Gao the Greater" more than "Sun Li The Glorious Strategist", as... I don't think anyone we know really fits that bill. I can see seeing him as a right proper role model, as he's honestly the definition of an iron fist within a silk glove when you pair that with excessive planning, and frankly while I think this label is far from deserved for you to give to yourself, it's generally undeserved for the likes of this forum.
"The Glorious Strategist" is one of the better written characters in media, and to see anyone try to compare to him strikes me as slander. For as petty as his feelings show themselves to be when principally pushed thanks to the damages of "The Great Drought" changing him into something more strategically desperate, again, he is an iron fist within a silk glove TO THE EXTREME, and I don't think you have enough of a taste for silk to pull it off. You're definitely a Closed Fist (Right Hand Path) Philosopher, something I tend to agree with more as well despite somewhat Open Palm (Left Hand Path) goals, but I question the level of depth you put into it beyond finding quotes of a like mind.
I still on many levels wish you could come back here, you're fun, and while I mock you a lot because damn do you have it coming through self-inflicted means... that could be happening just as much here. Your suffering is fun, yeah, but it also gives you character that, when you can ignore said suffering for a time, actually has decent taste and bothers to try to hold a conversation, even if said conversations can tend to reflect a short sighted lens with a very morphic foundation of understanding for your more immediate short term realities.
Still you seem to be enjoying yourself in an environment that gives you a clearly defined "enemy" to play escapist from problems outside of it, as you really like using enemies as a distraction and an urgency towards pushing a drive within yourself and to peacock a sense of ego, and if this is as antagonistic as you can be then I feel somewhat of a sense of pity for the continued efforts being spent. Still I mean, if it works as a cope then... as long as it doesn't do any real causal damages right? The biggest issue with it to me is it's room for delusion within you, allowing for extreme acts of self-contradiction and a reappraisal of goal posts that leave your actual goals somewhat long term unrecognizable even to yourself, stuck in "the moment" with "the moment" not needing accuracy, but a sense of validation to show that you have any impact at all.
I'm still not calling you smart, but you have an understanding of media that's easy to overlook from how much quieter it tends to be than your... err, other voice. If you could chill out and stop seeing enemies where they aren't to the point of making them, and could stop seeing everything as if it were a matter of power even down to what you're attracted to, you'd be an alright guy from what I've seen of you.
You just get so fixated, and you think that rush of adrenaline mixed with self-validation is power. What is your effort really accomplishing beyond some giddiness that's more short lived than the effort you put into it? I don't understand what keeps you going other than a misplaced persecution complex.
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