For the last couple of years I've been stuck in this trend of people saying that I am cursed, haunted by spirits etc etc. It's got to the point that many people at my University will say "Fuck you!" to my face, albeit in a somewhat friendly way. It's annoying and a lot of people who I have known for all four years always push some shit on me. Normally I just slap them on the back or fire back something witty in response.
It's created this kind of complex in me where a lot of people who know me build their own impression of who I am, and then I have to battle that with my own impression. Pretty schitzo right? I have to meditate a lot so that I don't...you know... you get the point. I don't know if this is because I have a hateful expression most of the time (which is really just me being concentrated) but sometimes I can't help but looking at people with hate because they incentivize this performative culture. I've gained this ability to push people away who come after me looking for their own answers, and not because I don't want to help them, but simply because [there are too many fucking people]. What if this is the goal. To make it so people don't relate to one another over anything. They instead are forced into their own skulls to find their own way to relate to the world. I mean who wants to always be accepting of agreeableness 24/7? Sounds fucking lame if you ask me.
