And there's some context here that makes your characterization of Raiden in this story feel even stranger to me. Not long ago you were making inaccurate or at least very strange claims about MGS2, including the idea that Raiden basically moves just like Snake, as though he's just a copy or reskin.
That's particularly odd because Raiden being treated as a "copy" is actually part of the point of MGS2. The game deliberately sets him up as a replacement for Snake and then spends much of the story showing why that comparison doesn't really work. His different personality, inexperience, emotional reactions, and relationship to the player's expectations are all part of the character.
So when I then see Raiden turned into an exaggerated, incompetent, emotionally deficient punching bag in this story, it naturally stands out to me, especially when the characterization is being justified with the same sort of exaggerated interpretation of MGS2 that I was already criticizing.
And again, I'm not saying Raiden can't be made fun of. He already is, and Metal Gear has done it far more effectively. The difference is that the comedy can come from Raiden's awkwardness, inexperience, or contrast with Snake without turning into an elaborate moral crusade about how Raiden is defective and needs to be punished.
That's why I don't find this story funny. It isn't the fact that Raiden gets screwed over. It's the combination of exaggerated characterization, the strange MGS2 claims behind it, and the constant moral justification for humiliating him. It reads more like resentment toward the character than good comedy.