"it's ok. No one has ever shown you hot to do this before -"
Of course nobody had.
I was a violent child. I used to jump on Kennedy krieger/johns Hopkins staff and bite them and claw into them while other staff tried prying me off. I would rip out chunks of people's hair which led to bleeding and put their hair in my mouth. Or I would smash someone's head against the brick walls as hard as I fucking could like I may have been a child but I got screams from adults. Like adults would FLINCH from me. I was doing everything I could to get into the building they had my little brother in.
To be fair I wasn't violent until Kennedy krieger actually because they kept torturing other students around me and myself by drugging us and putting us in solitary confinement and other students would even be sexually abused by the staff there.
And I was enjoying causing pain for others in the process.
Mmmmmmm that was fun
I can turn my empathy on and off like a faucet. :3 that's my super power hehehe 🩷
There was a woman who tried dragging me into the solitary
That was fun because I was right under her and jumped up as hard as I could under her chin bashing her jaw in with my skull breaking it and she had to go to the ER and I didn't see her back for a while
I had broken my arm once and I had a cast and then I took my cast off and started hitting staff with it and using it as a weapon and I made someone's nose bleed and the staff grabbed me by my broken ass arm dragged me down the hall with it and flung me by it into the solitary confinement room by it which I was a weird kid this turned me on in an (inappropriate) way which I expressed to myself in a (way) thinking I was in a room alone anyway and not yet realizing about the cameras and someone did eventually tell me to stop which embarrassed me so badly it led to me asking for a way to wash my hands and me crying from the embarrassment and then just, repeatedly apologizing like UGH but like
They wouldn't always let me use the bathroom either and I
Anyway
I also used a stapler on someone?
There was a time I tried shoving my pills up my ass so I didn't have to take them (I had tried many other failed methods of not taking my pills before this) and I was a child so this shit got me incredibly drugged WORSE because it was in my ass so it was being processed differently which led to what felt like a giant nightmare fueled solitary confinement fever dream for a CHILD
fun
I was great at escaping the building though. And authorities would bring me back because I was typically running around the city as a child alone with no shoes acting panicked trying to find my brother
And even when they didn't bring.me.back I would COME back because they had my meds and I was kind of addicted to my meds despite ironically having moments of trying to quit/not take them (I thought if I didn't take them long enough I wouldn't keep coming back for them and could permanently escape with my brother back to the woods
Staff would say "it's such a shame about her she has such a beautiful voice" because I would sing in solitary confinement a lot
I also screamed crazy shit at the staff a lot like about how I wanted them to puke in eachothers mouths ect
I mean if course they didn't teach me anything I wasn't a student I mean🤷♀️ even before I got so violent and crazy I wanted to learn but they weren't a real school and they kept locking us all in rooms and shit.
And like my parents at home were also physically violent towards me that's probably where I learned to be so violent from in the first place
Like I used to kick staff in the groin and slide down stair banisters and shit and stand on top of tables next to cabinets and then throw shit from in the cabinets at the staff like
I loved finding scissors though threatening to throw scissors at stagg was a TRIP and I would eventually do it too and I would stab them with pencils and shit
Bruh
Like who TF is going to teach me to tie my shoes when I literally have the purposeful goal of sending people to the hospital
Why didn't my parents teach me?
well they tried but they would scream at me the entire time and use physical punishment if I didn't learn fast enough
The funny thing was was the entire time I was in Kennedy krieger I was never violent to others kids I had a sense of solidarity with them
Oh- and also -
Also-
The solitary confinement doors had BUTTONS next to them like a big red button to open the damn door and I loved just, running down the hall of doors on the way out pressing all the buttons and screaming shit like "run!" LMFAO it was great that was great
Then I spent years trying to be a functional person after I stopped being in Kennedy krieger haha
And I thought I eventually accomplished that!
Oh well that was ruined by YOU KNOW WHO
my wonderful mentor
The monster in me is BACK baby it's just refined and scheming
Am I going to physically attack anyone these next 10 years or so?
Lol no.
Am I going to be a fucking demon?
Absolutely