Sometimes 8 Wonder if the reason people treat me differently is because maybe I am ugly? I must be ugly. Would I know if I was? Would I juat be so used to my ugly face I dont see the ugliness? Honestly, I do not care if I am ugly or not. What I care about is, do I have a certain disadvantage?
I feel like other women are actually the meanest to me. It's like they think I'm "different"? somehow and they want to pick me apart for it?
Men don't usually notice or care if I'm weird. But other women will. I was told the bullying would get better when I got older.
It's exactly the same. It just became different.
After I kissed another girl in school (which I was beaten for at home) I started being severely bullied for being queer.
Queer.
It was a word burned into my skin through hatred and pain, but something I have been trying to reclaim.
The thing about having autism, is that you don't always pick up on social cues, and you are not very good at defending from bullying and may already attract it was you are.
I wasn't happy at home. I at least wanted to be happy at school.
But I couldn't have that either.
When I went to Kennedy krieger though every student was too busy trying so fucking hard to just survive. One student was rumored to have died from staff and that was terrifying rumor because it made us realize in our situation we could have been killed. We were given weird medications and mine personally and also Jennifers made us feel like we were dying.
When you are at Kennedy krieger no one cares if you are gay. Everyone just cares about the horrible situation we were all in.
My peers who were there suffering with me
The ones where we all suffered together
Those people are forever a part of me in a way no one else can ever be.
