I was born with ambiguous parts and they couldn't tell if I was male or female when I was born, and they didn't tell me until I was much older. An adult. After getting information about my medical history and being old enough to look into shit.
This runs in my family it happened 2 generations ago but the mother had depression about her baby being deformed and refused to hold it and the baby died.
Something was removed from my body and nobody will tell me what but they decided to choose a gender for me as a baby, and they decided I would be a girl and they chose accordingly.
I have hardly any feeling where they did it and it affects my romantic relationships pretty significantly.
I was reminded today when my ex spouse told me he had been with multiple women since me, and I was the only one who looked the way I look down there.
Growing up I think my family was so afraid of if they chose wrong when I was a baby and I see that looking back.
They would punish me or panic or get upset if I didn't seem like what they chose.
I get weird waves of anger and humiliation from being a woman and I keep having physically impossible desires to do things that my body just doesn't allow and that humiliates me.
I think I feel myself screaming inside of me but I'm afraid to free myself.
No matter how angry and embarrassed I am.
I am so angry I could scream and scream into the void and never stop screaming.
Now they want me to remove a malformed testicle where my ovary should be that never developed
Even though it isn't harming my body and affects absolutely nothing.
They want me to undergo a surgical procedure over something harmless to and invisible to the outside world simply because it makes them uncomfortable
And they won't stop bothering me about it.
So I'm going to pretend the scar I have is from such a surgery
And pretend I have had it already
So everyone shuts up.