I have always practiced trying to make eye contact with people. I'm not always very good at it.
You used to have very long and intense eye contact with me and I felt like I had to stare back at you or I would be being rude
I tried reading your emotions many times for clues but
I don't actually know how to read people's emotions at all...
But- I tried.
You know my emotions are stronger than "normal" people. People with autism feel things very strongly, emotionally. You can Google it idc
And I don't even know what all my emotions are when I have them.
I tried so hard to hold in everything in class.
I tried as hard as I fucking could.
But you had to humiliate me
In front of people I was trying so hard to befriend.
My childhood was already fucking miserable
Did you have To ruin the end of my days as a young adult too?
I can't have any memories of any phases of my youth without having any of the phases overshadowed by abuse?
I don't know.
I may never know.
And - I blame you for that. Because I was so close to recovering. And then you came along.
I never got to be carefree and young. Not even as a young adult.
I would have had at least that- at the end of my early twenties but no.
You just fucking tortured me more
I fucking hate authority
I hate you people